Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
The hardest part of parenting is parenting your own traits out of your kids
— VodkaAndStringCheese (@VodkaAndCheeze) March 14, 2020
9-year-old: Can you help me with a math problem?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 19, 2020
Me: Yes.
9: *starts reading the problem*
Me: No.
Well I guess it’s time to learn my kids’ names.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 16, 2020
Our homeschooling curriculum includes: Honors Laundry and AP Vaccumming.
— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) March 16, 2020
7: mummy can I tell you a story I made up?
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 17, 2020
Me: of course sweetie
7: *finishes story* did you like it?
Me: *forgot to listen to any of it* loved it!
7: what was your favourite part?
Me:
7:
Me:
7:
Me: *sweating* the....dinosaur part?
7: ok cool
Me: cool
As I sit in isolation for hours, planning to keep a safe distance from my family, I hear them outside the door, shouting words of encouragement.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) March 18, 2020
Like my kids saying, "Make us breakfast!"
And my wife adding, "GET OUT OF THE BATHROOM. YOU AREN'T SICK!"
“You can eat 50% of a mermaid before you’re considered a cannibal.”
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 19, 2020
My kid, using homeschool math during social distancing
You think your cat is pretty easy going, but then the kids want to find out if cats float in the bathtub.
— Just J (@junejuly12) March 19, 2020
Child: Hey tomorrow are we still go-
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 15, 2020
Me: Canceled.
Child: What about-
Me: Postponed.
Child: Well can we-
Me: It’s closed to the public for the rest of the month.
Child:
Me:
Child: This is gonna be a loooong couple of weeks for you.
Don’t underestimate a child's ability to grasp what's happening right now. I've discussed the pandemic and social distancing with my 4-year-old and she's decided to speak 3 inches from my face instead of the normal 1 inch.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 16, 2020
No school, Day 1
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) March 16, 2020
7:15am: we have puzzles, activity books, stickers... we’ll get through this!
8:03am: *googles boarding schools with no coronavirus*
Homeschooling day 1: trying to get this kid transferred out of my class.
— OutnumberedMother (@OutNumbMother) March 17, 2020
Friend: since you’re a teacher you must have a really great homeschooling routine going
— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) March 19, 2020
Me, watching hour six of Netflix with my kids: oh, totally
Day 3: played board games, made cookies, did a butterfly craft
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) March 17, 2020
Day 4: re-enacted The Shining
[MATH CLASS]
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 19, 2020
Tween, the student: *secretly texting under the table*
Me, the teacher: *secretly texting under the table*
My 4yo has informed me that her favorite animals (in order) are:
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 17, 2020
1. Unicorns
2. Cats
3. Mermaids
4. Fairies
5. Rainbows
Just saw a dad walk out of Barnes and & Noble with half a dozen family board games. In a few days he won’t know if his throat is sore from Coronavirus or Monopoly.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 14, 2020
I’ve homeschooled my kids for 1 day and I’ve already learned so much, like their teachers need a huge raise and also I should never ever be a teacher.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 16, 2020
You know, I can handle a quarantine. I can handle rationing food. I can even handle having to relearn elementary math. But did this really have to be the week that my 4 year old learned to tell knock knock jokes?
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) March 18, 2020
My two younger sons are using this quarantine time to do distance learning with their school, completing assignments every day.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 20, 2020
My two older sons who are in college just got done building a beer die table.
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