Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
So we don’t go to restaurants, kids aren’t signed up for anything, and we are just staying home during spring break? Sounds like my childhood.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 7, 2020
Cutting your toddler’s sandwich the wrong way is a mistake you don’t make more than once.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) April 10, 2020
Today our 5yo is wearing a shirt that says “Genius”, but he put it on backwards, so yes, homeschooling is going great.
— Dad on my Feet (@dad_on_my_feet) April 9, 2020
Me: *sings*
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) April 9, 2020
3: *stares up at me with big eyes, listening intently*
Me: do you like it when mummy sings?
3: no
Working from home
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 8, 2020
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
2yo:
Me: *starts Skype meeting*
2yo: DAAAADDDDYYYY CAN YOU WIPE MY BUMBUM
I can raise kids just fine, but keeping plants alive that only need to be watered once a month is apparently out of my reach.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 5, 2020
Me to my kids: you have to eat right and get good sleep if you want to stay healthy.
— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 7, 2020
Also me: *shouting at 5am* WHO THE HELL ATE MY BREAKFAST PRINGLES??
Earlier today my 4yo told me “I’m glad you’re my daddy... for now” which is both the sweetest and most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 10, 2020
it’s all fun and games creating children who act just like you until you’re isolated in a house with them 24/7
— Kiss my Fat Ash (@Tobi_Is_Fab) April 9, 2020
I miss going to a restaurant and paying 5.99 for kraft macaroni and cheese for my kid to take two bites of it.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 7, 2020
We’ve been trying to do more family dinners lately and it’s been nice to have this quality time together or as 11 calls it “ugh how long is this going to take?!”
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) April 7, 2020
*out for a walk at 8:30am*
— ☕New-ish Mom🍷 (@LifeThrewLemons) April 8, 2020
*2 notices our neighbor's curtains are closed*
2: ooo, they're sleeping!
Me: yeah, you know you could also still be sleeping, right? Lots of people sleep past 6:30.
2:*laughs* nooo.
[playing with 2yo]
— Mummy Dear 🤦🏼♀️ 🇨🇦 (@ThatMummyLife) April 7, 2020
Me: oh check my foot. I think it’s broken.
2: *examining foot* lot’s of meat. lot’s of meat.
Me: meat?
2: *giving thumbs up* good job mummy!
My 6 y/o takes, on average, 14 years to finish his dinner.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) April 10, 2020
Great news I got a 100 on my son's geometry test.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 9, 2020
My 4YO son walked into the kitchen naked and said, “Can you make me something to eat? Don’t worry about me not wearing clothes” so I guess the quarantine lifestyle has no age bounds.
— Not the Nanny (@notthenanny) April 5, 2020
Moms everywhere want to know "WHO OPENED THIS BAG OF FOOD THE WRONG WAY?!"
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 9, 2020
Me: Guys, meet your new substitute teacher who’ll be taking over for me the rest of the school year!
— The Vagina Diary (@thevaginadiary) April 9, 2020
Kids: Dad?
When this pandemic is over, my wife and I plan to start free-range parenting, just to free ourselves from being within range of the kids.
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) April 8, 2020
Support HuffPost
A No-B.S. Guide To Life
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Our News, Politics and Culture teams invest time and care working on hard-hitting investigations and researched analyses, along with quick but robust daily takes. Our Life, Health and Shopping desks provide you with well-researched, expert-vetted information you need to live your best life, while HuffPost Personal, Voices and Opinion center real stories from real people.
Help keep news free for everyone by giving us as little as $1. Your contribution will go a long way.
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Help keep news free for everyone by giving us as little as $1. Your contribution will go a long way.
HuffPost is your trusted source to help you lead a better life. Our reporters rely on research, expert advice and lived experiences. So when you've got questions, you know you can trust our answers.
We're determined to keep HuffPost Life — and every other part of HuffPost — 100% free. Help us do that by contributing as little as $1.
HuffPost is your trusted source for stories that help you lead a better life. We've got you covered on all things health, wellness, food, style, parenting, relationships, work, travel and lifestyle. Our reporters rely on research, expert advice and lived experiences to address all your concerns, big and small. So when you've got questions, you know you can trust our answers.
We're determined to keep HuffPost Life — and every other part of HuffPost — 100% free. Help us do that by contributing as little as $1.
Related
Before You Go
Cute Kid Notes
Do you have info to share with HuffPost reporters? Here’s how.
