Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So, each week we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
[homeschooling]
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) April 22, 2020
me: what is 345 minus 127?
daughter: 218
me: *filling in taxes* thanks
toddler: mama mama, [baby sister] is smelly.
— Elizabeth Bruenig (@ebruenig) April 23, 2020
me: she probably needs a diaper change.
toddler: why doesn't she go to the bathroom?
me: well, she's just a baby, so she has a diaper.
toddler: [reproachfully, to the baby] that's disgusting, clare
Living with toddlers is like being stuck in an episode of Scooby-Doo, with all the running between rooms and slamming of doors.
— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) April 20, 2020
Please say a prayer for my 8 year old son, he has to write 4 sentences.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) April 19, 2020
My kid can tell me all about a 24 minute episode of Paw Patrol in 56 minutes.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 21, 2020
2 thinks that cars fill up on soup at the gas station and now I’m really sad it’s not true.
— Mummy Dear 🤦🏼♀️ 🇨🇦 (@ThatMummyLife) April 21, 2020
Have kids so you can watch all of your personality flaws manifest in human form
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) April 23, 2020
Son: I had some scary thoughts.
— Lin-Manuel Miranda (@Lin_Manuel) April 22, 2020
Me, rolling up sleeves to have a big father-son talk about All Of This: Okay. What kind of scary thoughts?
Son: Vacuum cleaners. Broccoli.
Me: ...
Son: Vacuum cleaners are LOUD.
My 4yo just brought me a block a Colby Monterey Jack cheese and asked for a piece of party cheese.
— 2 Wild Rainbows (@wildrainbow2) April 23, 2020
me: please stand still so I can put on your pants
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 22, 2020
my toddler: pic.twitter.com/BoXGUo4q4A
Welcome to homeschooling. Your house has 847 pencils in it, yet your child can never find one.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 21, 2020
I was living vicariously through my 4yo’s Barbie dolls because they were always doing something awesome but now she’s pretending they’re in lockdown too so even that’s ruined.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) April 19, 2020
Is there anything more fraught with danger than being asked to guess what song your proud 10 year old has just played on the guitar after they’ve spent several hours practicing?
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) April 23, 2020
Kids: We saved you some bread, Mom.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) April 22, 2020
Me: Thanks, you guys are the best!
Kids: pic.twitter.com/xw7GjG46YC
What I say: It’s time to get dressed.
— MomOf1AndDone (@momof1anddone_) April 23, 2020
What My Kid Hears: It’s time to perform a Christmas Concert in your room.
5-year-old: I'm pretending to do grown-up things.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 21, 2020
Me: Like what?
5: Being tired all the time.
Nailed it.
In today’s episode of My Youngest Plays “Mommy,” she brought her baby into the kitchen, sat her at the table & walked to the sink to get a glass water while yelling, “Stop goofing around and EAT your DINNER or you’re going STRAIGHT to BED!!”
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) April 22, 2020
Just when it seems homeschooling can’t get any more difficult THEY THROW SPIRIT WEEK AT US WHERE AM I GOING TO GET CURBSIDE DELIVERY OF A ZEBRA OUTFIT
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 22, 2020
Me: So for our little ‘quarantine project’ today, I’m going to teach you how to turn down my bed.
— Ms. Havisham (@MissHavisham) April 23, 2020
Kids: But it isn’t even made.
Me, climbing in: Ok, now tuck me in.
My son complained that he didn’t like the breakfast I made so I told him to be sure to leave his Yelp review & also, I don’t care.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 19, 2020
