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4 wanted to cut her doll’s hair and I said no so we compromised and now she’s cutting her doll’s hair.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) September 28, 2020
I explained to my daughter that when Netflix started they used to send you DVDs.— Donald Zimmer (@zimmer_donald) September 27, 2020
6yr old: (old lady voice) You know, back in my day, the internet used to come in the mail.
My 4yo thinks she looks just like Elsa because— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) September 28, 2020
“they both have necks”
Why would I spend $5 on a bag of apples at the store when I can wear warm fall clothes in 88° weather and pay $36 for our family to pick them ourselves.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 27, 2020
For those of you wondering how the news cycle has impacted our household, we currently have a 1-year-old running around shouting, "Tax! Tax!"— Zach Carter (@zachdcarter) September 28, 2020
I wanted to text my daughter to tell her I love her, but then I remembered that I’d confiscated her phone and it was in my pocket.— Goats? (@Gooooats) September 28, 2020
Having kids means you'll never be able to drive & sing along to your favorite song ever again.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 26, 2020
My 6-year-old asked me if parenting is hard and I’m not saying I lied, but I did the thing all parents do: I downplayed the truth just so someday I’ll get me some grandchildren.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 26, 2020
the reason I prefer being around my own kids vs anyone else’s is because I have no issues telling mine to shut the hell up— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) September 30, 2020
9yo: I had to move to a different table at school today— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) September 29, 2020
Me: because you were talking too much?
9yo: how did you KNOW?
Me: I too was frequently moved to a different table
If I had to describe the first year of parenting in two words it would be: Bodily Fluids— amil (@amil) October 1, 2020
Mama Bear: The porridge is ready— sad-a-saurus (@sad_saurus) September 30, 2020
Papa Bear: Perfect let’s leave for a couple of hours
I used to think hearing my toddler say “why?” over and over was the worst.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 1, 2020
Then I thought hearing my kid say “no” over and over was the worst.
But now I realize that hearing my 10yo say “one sec!” over and over is ACTUALLY the worst.
Parenting is mostly just making plans for little humans whose primary function is to thwart those plans.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 28, 2020
My daughter is FaceTiming with a classmate. I just overheard her telling him she thinks my husband and I are spies. I have every intention of feeding this theory.— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) September 28, 2020
Soccer has such a high risk of injury. The other day, at my son’s game, I crushed my finger folding up a camp chair.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 28, 2020
4 year old: *punches me in the eye*— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 29, 2020
Her: *starts crying loudly*
Me: Why are you crying? YOU punched ME!
Her: YOU MADE ME SAD
What I say: "don’t do that it’s dangerous"— The Dad (@thedad) October 2, 2020
What my toddler hears: "prove to me you’re not a coward"
My sons started calling each other pudgy and skinny and I told them no body shaming, so now they're calling each other idiots which I'm totally cool with.— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 1, 2020
My kids don't always fall asleep in the car, but when they do it's just as we're pulling up at our destination.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) September 26, 2020
[the house is absolutely quiet]— hashtagtacos 🌮 (@VicVijayakumar) September 29, 2020
[I start to realize something is wrong when I can hear my own thoughts]
my 3yo: i’m not getting in trouble in the pantry!!!!
Children are such magical little creatures; how they marvel at a field of dandelions, gleefully chase bubbles, are blown away by the consistency and color of their own feces. Just precious.— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) September 28, 2020