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Waiting for the election results is nothing. My 5yo’s been finishing her dinner for the last 3 days.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 5, 2020
My husband was surprised to learn that my daughter’s Wednesday swim lesson was being held on a Wednesday again.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 4, 2020
Me: this day is stressing me...I need a drink.— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 3, 2020
3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk*
Me: got anything stronger?
3yo: yep! MOM CAN YOU GET DAD A CHOCOLATE MILK
Me to my kids: Please be patient.— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) November 5, 2020
Also me: Refreshes electoral map 37 times a minute.
Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese.— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) November 6, 2020
"ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES" I scream, drunk at the PTA meeting before writing in Oscar the Grouch as PTA President— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 4, 2020
Growing up as the oldest, I used to think my sibling was annoying. Now, as a mother raising two young children, I realize I was right you younger siblings are straight up hot mess pains in the ass— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) November 2, 2020
Child: Can I have help with my homework?— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 2, 2020
Me: Sure. Which one are you on?
Me [looking]: Well, I can tell you that #1 and #2 are wrong.
Child: THOSE AREN'T THE ONES I NEED HELP WITH
"Well, he won motherfucking Vermont." - me to my infant son just now— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) November 4, 2020
A consequence of having kids is always having rotten bananas too. There is no way to buy the right amount of bananas for kids.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 1, 2020
This feels like when I was in labor for 40 hours and even on the highest dose of pitocin I was having minimal contractions & the baby hadn’t dropped but I was still holding out for a vaginal birth and then finally the doctor was like “your uterus is overheating”— Doree Shafrir (@doree) November 6, 2020
4-year-old: *draws a person*— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2020
Me: Why does he have two different colored eyes?
4: He got punched.
4: He knows why.
I love when childless people say ‘I’d never let my kids do that.’ Mark my words: when you become a parent, you’ll gladly hand your kid the iPad and a donut for ten minutes of peace and quiet.— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 5, 2020
I hereby claim victory in achieving my pre-pregnancy goal weight and demand that my body stop counting the calories I’ve consumed (in carbs and alcohol) since election results started coming in yesterday.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 4, 2020
Some of you never maniacally refreshed your online wedding and baby registries to see what gifts had been purchased, and it shows.— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) November 5, 2020
My baby's first tooth is coming out and so she's just been howling for 24 hours and it's exactly what I think today should sound like— amil (@amil) November 4, 2020
A big part of parenting is teaching your kids how to do things on their own, and then redoing them the right way as soon as they aren't around.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 6, 2020
My kids’ 1st grade teacher just flexed on the students by making them all practice writing: I HAVE NO JOB— Real Life Mommy - on the cusp of hope (@reallifemommy3) November 6, 2020
To entice my 3yo to poop in the toilet, we told him he gets a Kinder egg if he does it— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) November 4, 2020
He now poops in small deposits multiple times a day and asks for the chocolate each time
He’s a genius
I asked my son to unload the dishwasher & he immediately started doing it.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 6, 2020
2020 is wild.
Asked Kiddo for some advice, since she knows how to eat with lost teeth (since I got my molar extracted) she told me to, "chew through the pain."— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) November 3, 2020
I laughed out loud!
It’s not just the thought of starting over that keeps me from wanting more children, it’s the fact that we simply cannot afford school pictures for another kid— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 2, 2020