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Flex on your kids by hanging your own picture on the fridge— Dave Ween (@pittdave13) November 25, 2020
hell hath no fury like a toddler who loses the chance to push a button of any kind.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 24, 2020
My son kept asking me if I’ve ever had “cooked menoodles” and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what he was talking about. Finally realized he thought “ramen noodles” were “RAW menoodles.”— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 25, 2020
5: Does the Jolly Green Giant have kids?— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 24, 2020
Me: He still goes by jolly so probably not.
My six-year-old asked if plumbers eat all your plums. Imagine a world where plumbers just come to your house, mow through all your stone fruit, show you their ass, and then leave.— She Writes Good (@GoodSheWrites) November 25, 2020
So evidently our 13 year old thought "primadonna" meant anyone born before Madonna (i.e. pre-Madonna). Please send oxygen. We cannot stop laughing. 😂😂😂— Chris Abouzeid (@gripemaster) November 26, 2020
my daughter is making a convincing argument that egg should be spelled “eg” and that the second “g” should only be used to describe really big eggs— ∞ + 1 (@stuckinaportal) November 22, 2020
I have a wife and two daughters. They can never find a hair tie and I can never stop finding them.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 24, 2020
My response to whether my 2 year old can play on the iPad is wildly different now in the 9th month of the pandemic.— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) November 24, 2020
Me: would you like a banana?— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 23, 2020
4: what flavour is it?
My family has been going through a bag of shelled pistachios a week like we’re Rockefellers or something.— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 24, 2020
My kid just tried to argue with Siri, and it reminded me of nearly every comment thread in 2020.— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 25, 2020
Raising both a puppy and a toddler is very confusing but we’ll be okay as soon as the dog is potty trained and the kid is house broken— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 23, 2020
My husband doesn't know it yet, but tomorrow I'm going to be thankful he got up early with the kids, made a donut run and brought me back my favorite coffee.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 26, 2020
My youngest son hid a Ziploc bag of Froot Loops in his pajama drawer so that he wouldn’t miss out on the “good cereal” if he woke up late tomorrow, in case you wondered what growing up in a big family is like.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 23, 2020
Never once in my life have I found a pen when I need it, so please explain to me why my toddler always has a pen in her hands.— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 25, 2020
Kids think growing up is cool and can’t wait to get older.— The Dad (@thedad) November 27, 2020
That’s how fucking dumb they are.
My children wanted to play road trip and are very upset because I told them my car is a two seater— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 25, 2020
My kid's class is on Zoom sharing their Thanksgiving plans and now I know what it's like listening to a horror story on Audible— Esther Choo MD MPH (@choo_ek) November 25, 2020
I've heard you should do one thing that scares you each day so today I'm going to walk into my son's room without holding my nose.— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 23, 2020