Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.
— cap’n watsisname (@capnwatsisname) January 19, 2021
My kid thought that “swearing in” meant Joe Biden was going to stand at a podium on Wednesday and reel off all the curse words he knows. He’s understandably a little disappointed now.
— Mary McCoy (@MaryElMcCoy) January 19, 2021
Whenever I get discouraged and want to quit something, I remember the words of my then 3 year-old after she puked carrots all over the living room floor: "I'm gonna need more carrots."
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) January 18, 2021
Can we all just agree that book cover sleeves on children’s books are a waste of money?
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) January 19, 2021
Jokingly asked our 3 yr old if he goes to work and he got really mad and said “NO I eat and play” which wow ok
— amil (@amil) January 21, 2021
“How dare my 11yo mock me,” I think indignantly, before checking the Twitter account where I’ve been writing snarky tweets about her for almost 4 years.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 18, 2021
Be kind to everyone you meet. You don’t know how much time they’ve had to spend with their family.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 19, 2021
might fuck around and let my kids have an entire day of recess because fuck homeschool
— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) January 21, 2021
[Every time I’m listening to my 80’s playlist]
— Frin ☕️🌷 (@dimplesticks) January 21, 2021
6yo: is this guy dead?
6yo: is THIS guy dead?
6yo: how dead is this guy?
Me: *just sobbing quietly into my tea*
after brushing out her tangles my daughter exclaimed she was “prettier than a hippo in a dress” and it is hereby my daily mantra
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2021
Left his bone in the baby’s room. Cannot get it until the nap is over. Tough morning for Leo. pic.twitter.com/ltaKNB5fXG
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) January 17, 2021
Can you die from being, "Hey, Mommy?"-ed all motherfucking day?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 20, 2021
“Am I getting the frontcine or the baccine first?”
— Satirical Mommy (@MommySatirical) January 21, 2021
- My 5yo after telling him he’ll need two shots
No one correct him.
The 3 words a parent never wants to hear from their child, "I googled you."
— Queen Bee 🐝 (@my_hive_away) January 18, 2021
No one:
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) January 21, 2021
My 4 year old: Anyway, since we’re talking about me...
"I emailed the teacher but haven't heard back" is the new "my dog ate my homework."
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 19, 2021
My 7 year old in one breath: Mommy I love you does it hurt to die?”
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) January 16, 2021
Who needs sleep anyway, right?
kids: wanna see something cool? just wait one second. trust me, it's going to be really cool. hold on. just a minute...you're going to love it. it's really cool, trust me. ok, are you ready? one second, I'm almost ready. this is going to be so cool.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 21, 2021
me: pic.twitter.com/B9eRD9lour
My daughter is mad at me because I didn’t offer her a banana first thing this morning.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 18, 2021
She hates bananas.
I got halfway through writing an email to a company letting them know that their bag of trailmix didn't contain any of the chocolate chips advertised on the bag before remembering that I have two kids.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 20, 2021
Child: Hey mom-
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 18, 2021
Wife: OMG WHAT NOW
Child: NEVER MIND I'll ASK ALEXA. Hey Alexa-
Alexa: OMG WHAT NOW
