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The book Corduroy is too sophisticated for my son because he was 7 months old when lockdown started so he has no idea what a “store” is. I have to be like “It’s a house where nothing is yours.”— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) February 17, 2021
Them: Describe the joys of parenthood in 2 words.— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 18, 2021
Me: The what?
as a parent I have to make difficult decisions like what to feed them and how much tv to let them watch and if I should stop my daughter from behaving like a puppy at the dinner table or just let her continue barking and licking her plate— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 17, 2021
Eating my kids' leftover scraps of food hunched over the kitchen sink like I'm some kind of feral mom— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) February 18, 2021
can i call a parenting lid— ryan teague beckwith (@ryanbeckwith) February 16, 2021
Was not prepared for how much of parenting would just be repeating “please don’t do that with your sandwich.”— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 13, 2021
I regret teaching 4 the difference between b and d by saying that b has a belly and d has a diaper.— MichiMama 💓 (@michimama75) February 18, 2021
my kid learned a cat's average life span is 10-15 years (ours is 9) and now he can't stop petting her and going "I'll miss her" like wtf dude stop— mother dysnomia 🌚 (@acony_belle) February 18, 2021
If children knew how much their parents were winging it, the whole system would topple.— dADDisms (@Beagz) February 13, 2021
so anyway turns out the reason my 4yo is sad is because he misses the fart he did earlier— MumInBits (@MumInBits) February 15, 2021
brb gotta drop my middle schooler off at the Maldives— Hend Amry (@LibyaLiberty) February 18, 2021
The 3 yr old keeps calling the baby’s pack and play her “cage” and “trap”— amil (@amil) February 17, 2021
My 9yo let me know that she’s starting to get really stressed about how old I’m getting.— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 18, 2021
Recently when I got my sad baby boy out of his crib I said, "I got you baby." And through his tears he patted my back and said, "I got you mama."— Just Heather 🖤 (@weedswildflowrs) February 17, 2021
Now he says it every time I take him out of his crib and this is the sorcery that makes people willingly have more kids.
6: dad how did you get color— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) February 15, 2021
6: when did you turn into color?
me: i'm confused
6: [frustrated] you know like some movies don't have color. when did you get yours?
me: wait..do you think i was in black and white when i was born???
6: when did you turn into color
Day 1 of parenting: I vow to love and protect this child and I promise not to make the same mistakes my parents made.— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) February 18, 2021
Day 458 of parenting: *over phone* hey mom how much whiskey can you put on a pacifier?
Just found a box full of cords in my daughter’s room so I guess she is ready to be a dad.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 16, 2021
I’m not a regular Mom.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 14, 2021
I’m a “YOU BETTER DIE IN YOUR VIDEO GAME BECAUSE DINNER IS READY IN 5 MINUTES!” Mom.
My 6yo snuggled up next to me, looked lovingly into my eyes and said, "My brain doesn't really work like yours, because it works good."— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 17, 2021
Parenting is so hard cause how am I supposed to pretend pirate’s booty wouldn’t make a good breakfast— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 15, 2021
Told my sons to stop playing video games and go outside so now they’re outside pretending they’re characters in a video game and I’ll take it as a win— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) February 14, 2021
Two of my kids just had an entire argument by singing at each other and now I understand how musicals are made.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 14, 2021
I highly recommend my 8YO if you’re looking to hire a Chief Arguing Officer— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) February 13, 2021
There’s a certain point in parenthood where if you want to see a clean kitchen you turn on HGTV.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 16, 2021