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No one laughs or even smiles when I sing “Lord I was born a scramblin’ man” every time I make eggs but that’s the dad life, baby.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 21, 2021
Flex on your kids by shouting WHOOMP THERE IT IS every time you find something that they looked for “everywhere”— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) February 25, 2021
How dare Hasbro de-gender our most beloved traditional male archetype: the potato— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) February 25, 2021
my kids teacher via zoom: division is multiplication backwards— Ordinary (@OrdinaryAlso) February 25, 2021
me: (in distant background) holy shit.
my kid’s doctor kit includes a stethoscope, an otoscope, a syringe, and like 9 dolphins— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) February 24, 2021
"Mom, watch this video. Wait til it happens. Watch, Mom. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch. Watch..."— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) February 21, 2021
- My 6 year old showing me something on YouTube
Me, trying not to swear in front of my kids like, "Shut the front fucking door" 😃— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 26, 2021
11: This is mom talking on the phone to someone important — “Hi, this is Julie and I talk in a super high pitched voice.” And this is mom when she answers her phone with us — “WHAT DO YOU WANT. I HAVE A LOW MONSTER VOICE NOW.”— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) February 22, 2021
My kids just ate a second breakfast, so I guess I'm raising hobbits— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) February 22, 2021
My daughter’s s new favorite game is called “walk around the table together”. It’s about as exciting as you’re imagining— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) February 25, 2021
7s class just had a very lively debate on the topic, "Is cereal a soup?" and I gotta say THIS is the 2nd grade content I lurk for.— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) February 25, 2021
My 6 year old son just asked me how I know his name... I'm not in the mood today— 𝕗𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕥🦚🙆🏾♀️ (@Neyogems) February 20, 2021
“do not taste the dog” and other things I never expected to say: a parenting memoir— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) February 24, 2021
4: mom was i in your tummy?— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) February 23, 2021
4: who is in there now?
me: no one
4: then why is it so big?
husband: oh no
Me, after 17 asked what I did today, “I paid bills, went to bank, & work. Met w/3 clients. Did an uncontested divorce, a contested div, discovery packet, and a proposed order. I sent 28 emails. I bought groceries, cleaned the house and made dinner.”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) February 24, 2021
17, “Have u seen my adderal?”
My son got his license and I’m terrified, but totally ok if he wants to drive to McDonald’s and get me a McFlurry.— Stacey (@skittle624) February 24, 2021
My toddler is so picky about clothes. She has a million outfits but only wears 5 things. Before giving her a new outfit, I've started taking pictures of it for her to find when flipping through my phone. Without fail, she "wants one" so I "order it" and it "arrives" the next day.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) February 24, 2021
My daughter asked which age I enjoyed her at the most and I said she has been an absolute delight and pain in the ass at every age and she responded "perfect, that's what I was going for"— That Pesky Aubrie (@AubriePesky) February 25, 2021
Masks are the new kids socks: they multiply all over your house and you can never find a matching one when you urgently need it.— Meena Harris (@meenaharris) February 24, 2021
On one hand I want my 12yo to be more independent. On the other hand I don’t want him in the kitchen by himself.— Text TeamTom to 61474 (@MommaUnfiltered) February 25, 2021
Have kids so you too can receive thought-provoking questions such as, "If Goofy & Pluto are both dogs then why does only Goofy talk??"— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) February 24, 2021