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“FIVE MINUTES TIL BED!” I yell to my daughter because 90% of parenting is stage managing— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) May 11, 2021
It always shocks people that my twins have totally different personalities. It’s almost like they’re two separate people.— MumInBits (@MumInBits) May 12, 2021
May you have the confidence of my child, who asked for a snack five minutes after refusing to eat his meal— Satirical Mommy (@MommySatirical) May 11, 2021
I changed my 3-year-old's name to Kidney Stone because the irritation he causes has yet to pass— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 10, 2021
Tonight my 4 year old said I made the best ever pizza he’s ever ever had, so if you think I’m taking the credit for a cheap supermarket own brand frozen pizza you’ll be correct— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) May 11, 2021
6 yo : I can't get out of bed.— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) May 12, 2021
Me : Why not?
6yo : Because I'm awake, but my hair is still asleep.
Quick question:— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) May 13, 2021
Can you still consider yourself to be a good parent if you mentally refer to your kids as “little turds”?
My toddler threw a clipboard at me. This is no way for a boss to treat an unpaid intern.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 12, 2021
Letting my wife sleep in for Mother's Day before I wake her to ask what's for breakfast.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 9, 2021
I talk a lot of shit for someone who was just dancing to the background music of the YouTube video my kid was watching.— lilswizzy (@MotherPlaylist) May 8, 2021
No parenting book or blog post prepares you for the first time a young child asks where cryptocurrency comes from.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 11, 2021
WE ARE CLOSED.— meghan (@deloisivete) May 13, 2021
NOBODY WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE.
-me, when my kids ask for an elaborate snack at bedtime
my four year old made a card and wrote a long message inside it and handed it to me, after I read her “words” i was about to thank her and she whispered “ᴵᵗ’ˢ ᶠᵒʳ ᵈᵃᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ” so yeah im pretty humble— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) May 8, 2021
I noticed my 11yo had me in her phone as “Momzilla” and I was like, "If the shoe fits..."— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 10, 2021
I keep hearing that my picky eater will eventually grow out of this phase but my husband is 43 now and I’m starting to lose hope— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 11, 2021
Here mom, this rock is for you to remember me by in case I fall in lava and get died.— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) May 13, 2021
—5, being simultaneously sweet and creepy
My child just explained in toddler speak that being a child is getting in the way of how’d she prefer to be spending her time. Apparently, being in a child’s body is holding her back. Sooo . . .— Dara Beevas (@darairene) May 12, 2021