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My daughter made $110 on her lemonade stand today, in like an hour. Turned out people were handing her $5s and $10s and she was just assertively saying thank you for the tip, and not offering change.— Eric Hulse (@phn1x) July 25, 2021
My child introduced me to another child waiting to go into summer camp by saying "This is XYZ. She's my enemy." And they both just exchanged knowing glances.— vivrant thing (@beequammie) July 26, 2021
“You are not coming to my birthday” is my 4-year-old’s latest burn to anyone he’s mad at. *His birthday is in 10 months.— Rep. Eric Swalwell (@RepSwalwell) July 27, 2021
Tbh I think I’m going to start using it myself.
You’re ugly!— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) July 27, 2021
No you’re ugly!
—My identical twins, fighting
My 5 yo went from not knowing about the Olympics to yelling at the tv and trash talking entire nations in a matter of minutes.— Daisy (@Daisyldoo) July 26, 2021
Yesterday my 4yo accidentally hugged a stranger at the pool when she thought she was hugging me.— Heather #BLM🏳️🌈 (@dishs_up) July 27, 2021
The panic that followed probably set off the sequence of events that will end the world.
My son is 19, and he still took 2 hours explaining his new video game to me. In case you’re wondering how long this phase lasts.— Ousa Medusa (@MedusaOusa) July 28, 2021
I am now “accidentally paused something with my belly by leaning forward while my computer was on my lap” weeks pregnant.— Elise Foley (@elisefoley) July 28, 2021
A girl the same age as 12 came over the other day with her mom. 12 doesn't know what to do with cute girls so he walked outside and sat in my parked car....at our own home...in 90 degree heat.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 28, 2021
Good morning to everyone except 4 who told me his pancakes taste like paper towels.— Unexpected SAHM (@UnexpectedSAHM) July 28, 2021
5: Let's play hide-and-seek!— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) July 29, 2021
Me: FOR THE LAST TIME...you are in bed. It's time to sleep. I'm going back to the living room.
5: [from his room] Ok, but you're not supposed to tell me where you're going to hide!!
I buy my kids cereal based on which kinds my vacuum cleaner will be able to pick up best.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 25, 2021
Not my 9 year old telling me she’s having a problem with a boy at school so they’re having a rap battle tomorrow 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂— Dyoncé (@Dyonnce) July 27, 2021
Let’s get married and have kids so instead of a romantic candlelit dinner we can repeatedly tell a 6-year-old balancing on one knee to “please close your sandwich.”— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 26, 2021
It’s amazing how kids can stump you with questions that have such obvious answers. My daughter just asked me, “what is 5 minutes” and I had no idea how to respond.— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) July 26, 2021
This morning my 7 year old told me off for not brushing my teeth for a full 2 minutes, and, well, I had no idea sounding like a parent was so annoying— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) July 26, 2021
A nature hike with an 11 y/o can be a great opportunity to discuss deep questions they have about the world that you never even pondered like, “Do you think animals swear?”— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) July 27, 2021