Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Before I became a parent, I never thought I would break up a fight at a living room guinea pig fashion show, yet here we are.— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 21, 2021
7 calls Pepto Bismol “Pepmo dismall” and that is how I will refer to it from now— Gobble gobble BG wobble (@itsmebeegee07) November 23, 2021
Parents are Roy Kent on the inside and Ted Lasso on the outside— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 23, 2021
My toddler’s new thing is to say “Mama” on repeat for 20 minutes straight and I’m not supposed to respond, unless of course I am supposed to respond, in case any of you were thinking of skipping the birth control— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 22, 2021
parenting books should be legally required to display the number of children the author has— Village Person (@SvnSxty) November 20, 2021
Mommy blogs be like, How to make your Thanksgiving stress free with 300 tasks you should do in the next 30 minutes.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 20, 2021
Almost time to put up the Christmas lights or, as my kids call it, “Swear Day.”— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 21, 2021
my 4 year old realizing that I gave her her vitamin gummies this morning and that her mom gave her her vitamin gummies this morning and pacing around worried like she's gonna OD— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 20, 2021
My 4yo: Daddy, I thought Santa gave birth to Jesus— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) November 23, 2021
Husband: No one really knows for sure
Since I refuse, 5 was wondering if anyone would like to play “hammers” with her. She has a hammer and you run. So anyway, let me know.— Marissa 💚🦃💛 (@michimama75) November 21, 2021
people who don't blur their backgrounds on video calls are just bragging that they don't have kids— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) November 23, 2021
4: Let's hunt turkeys, Daddy.— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) November 23, 2021
Me: How do we do that?
4: Put up a big sign that says, "Come here, Turkeys!"
I might be raising Elmer Fudd.
“My Fair Lady” but Eliza Doolittle is my 7 year old, and instead of the loud cockney accent I’m trying to coach away a tendency to fart as a greeting to strangers— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 22, 2021
no one:— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 23, 2021
absolutely no one:
my 8 year old: i hate lasagna if someone ever brought me one when im old id make my wife eat it
3.5 *Two hours after bedtime: MOOOMMMYYY— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) November 22, 2021
Me: what's wrong!!!?!?
3.5: what animals don't have teeth?
Tell your teenager to clean them out of their room now so you will have enough cups and dishes for Thanksgiving.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2021
my kids have been asking for a baby brother or sister and today a little miracle arrived pic.twitter.com/2vog8izlVb— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 20, 2021
If you'd all take a moment to imagine living with a 10 yr old who talks all day in the voice of a flight attendant after a weekend away.— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) November 22, 2021
My favourite part of parenting right now is that my 4 year old keep making plans to go to his friend’s house after school but doesn’t tell us, his parents, or even his friend, and then loses his mind when it doesn’t actually happen, what’s yours?— three time daddy (@threetimedaddy) November 22, 2021
When my son was born, I knew that I would love him forever, with a slight break between 12 and 21.— The Alex Nevil (@TheAlexNevil) November 23, 2021