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Parenting is a lot like talking to an automated phone attendant. You're hopeful at first, but then just end up repeating yourself and yelling.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 13, 2022
6YO said she’ll never be able to appreciate winter, cause snow on the bushes reminds her of cauliflower— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 10, 2022
My daughter wanted to play doctor's office so I turned the ac to 60° and made her wait in her room for an hour and a half— Shauna.. na (@ForgetTheMoose) January 12, 2022
Area Dads want you to know that the drink you have sitting so close to your laptop is making them nervous— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 13, 2022
My kid gets in more steps getting out of bed every night than I do all day.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 13, 2022
I gave 14 a side hug in public yesterday and she said "You know, distance makes my heart grow fonder." So today I'm going to yell "HUGS" from a distance when I drop her off with friends.— KJ (@IDontSpeakWhine) January 11, 2022
my 4yo likes to act like the food I cook is disgusting but he’s the one eating graham crackers dipped in watermelon juice— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) January 12, 2022
No one talks enough about how kids losing their teeth is some alien ass shit— Meena Harris (@meena) January 13, 2022
We are trying to be those people with cereal in clear containers but I just don’t know if we have it in us.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 13, 2022
6 is really into dinosaurs and he told me the other day i'm not allowed to play with his dinosaurs because i don't know how to say the dinosaur names correctly. tough rules coming from a person who had a difficult time reading the word ARM the other day.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) January 10, 2022
My 6 year old was quietly eating his cereal when he paused and said to no one, ‘I hope my sister isn’t a criminal when she grows up,’ and I feel like he summed up my parenting goals nicely.— Mama Needs A Coke (@MamaNeedsACoke) January 13, 2022
Catching up with friends in my 20s: How are you?— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 8, 2022
Catching up with friends in my 30s: How are your kids?
Catching up with friends in my 40s: How is your gallbladder?
me: I have no free time anymore— ely kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) January 11, 2022
also me: *spends two hours on facebook investigating the divorce drama of someone I barely know*
my husband has been teaching my 3 year old about football but explaining that toys on the floor are maximizing zone coverage was a bit much— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) January 13, 2022
Me to my child: Its not good to chew gum unless someones watching you closely. Child: Watch me closely! Me: ……….. …………. ….. . …. ………. ……no— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) January 14, 2022
6: So, you'll never get taller?— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) January 11, 2022
Me: Nope, I can't grow taller-
6: Only fatter, right?
My 6yo told me he won’t wear jeans because they’re grumpy and now he’s my life coach— meghan (@deloisivete) January 12, 2022
4, in an attempt to avoid bedtime, has come up with an adorable new excuse. Tonight from the monitor I heard this, “Momma, I’m having a bed party and you’re invited, when are you coming?”— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) January 13, 2022
First you force your kids to be friends with your friends' kids, then they force you to be friends with their friends' parents.— Annie Way (@Anniewritess) January 10, 2022
It's play date pay back.
"I need to buy a book for school before tomorrow."— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 10, 2022
~ Kids, at 10pm Sunday night
Nobody told me parenting would involve dumping out so many glasses of water.— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) January 10, 2022