Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My 8YO pissed me off so I referred to her water bottle as her sippy cup in front of her friends.— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 2, 2022
When my daughter was 3 she charged like $380 buying movies and shows on Amazon Prime. She is 13 going on 14 and she will be watching that content until she goes to college.— Household Government (@LadyBugAssassin) May 28, 2022
Sesame Street: this is an educational show— Village Person (@SvnSxty) June 1, 2022
Me: oh yeah? what type of bird is that
Sesame Street: *flustered* a big one
send thoughts and prayers for my 7yo. My wife discovered tonight he's been putting his freshly clean clothes in the dirty hamper instead of in the dresser where they belong.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 3, 2022
I told 5 a funny story at bedtime and when I finished she stared at me then said “I’m laughing on the inside mummy” and carried on brushing her doll’s hair— MumInBits (@MumInBits) June 2, 2022
My son just beat on my back like a drum then hit the dab . Where are the melatonin gummies— TACOBELLA (@Rico_nastyy) May 29, 2022
Felt very proud that my 10 yr old researched the history and culture of a Bavarian town we were visiting this weekend until she went on to speak in a German accent throughout our stay.— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) May 30, 2022
My wife still brings up that one time in 2013 I was indecisive about which shirt to wear, after her water broke— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) May 30, 2022
If you serve your kids frozen pizza or chicken nuggets for dinner, you're a terrible parent. I don't care how busy you are--find the time to microwave that shit.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 2, 2022
My daughter called my husband’s boxers panties and I’m never correcting her— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) May 29, 2022
Having kids is fun because one morning you’ll just open your fridge and come face to face with a cherry named Gerald. pic.twitter.com/Nq8ZBXJl2j— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 31, 2022
Take your kids to the ocean so they can repeatedly ask to swim in the hotel pool— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) June 3, 2022
“I have that.”— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 29, 2022
- child watching another child open a birthday gift
Daughter started closing down her lemonade stand because the graduation party down the street is giving away drinks for free and “we can’t compete with that.” This economy is even demoralizing our kids.— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) May 28, 2022
My husband bought harmonicas for our kids and now I need to find a new family— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) June 2, 2022
I’m making popsicles for my kid(’s shirt) today.— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) May 31, 2022
Starting my own series of unboxing videos, “Unlunchboxing”, where every day I will reveal my daughter’s untouched lunchbox and cry into it— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) May 31, 2022
Me: You wrote W-H-A-T-E-R. That's not how you spell water.— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 2, 2022
My 6-year-old: That's how it SHOULD be spelled.
Parent pro tip:— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 31, 2022
Beware of the child who cleans their room without being prompted.
They are about to ask to borrow money.
Took my chatty 4yo on a school visit where he refused to talk to anyone until the last teacher asked his name and 4 yelled “my name is Chicken”— meghan (@deloisivete) June 3, 2022
I will never fully recover from my daughter pulling down my shorts and exposing my bare ass and pussy in the middle of Panera Bread this morning.— Chy (@flyChy) May 30, 2022
5, looking at her new doll bed: wow daddy, how did you figure it out?!— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) May 31, 2022
Husband: I looked at the instructions
5: but mommy looked at the instructions too and couldn’t figure it out at all
My 5-year-old who just turned 5 talks about being 5 like she's reached the peak of adulthood, "I'm 5 now." Relax girlfriend you can't even open your own fruit snacks.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 28, 2022
It’s her summer break so I woke my 11 year old daughter up at 5:15 this morning. I’ve been waiting for this revenge since she was 4.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 3, 2022
Legend states that when you’re overwhelmed and on the verge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear to tell you that you cut their sandwich wrong— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) May 28, 2022
Me: No more talking. Good night.— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) June 1, 2022
10: Did you know you could throw a rock into a big body of water and be the last person to touch that rock until the end of time?