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My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. We just need to figure out what to do with the other one now— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) June 22, 2022
My kid made me a gift and then sternly warned me “don’t lose it, I want to put it on your body when you’re dead,” so I have that to look forward to— Jude "Pre-Order MAW - Out 8/2/22" Doyle (@byJudeDoyle) June 19, 2022
My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same.— Tori (@ToriTheMom) June 22, 2022
Picked up my sons from school and stopped to get gas, invited them to get out of the car and learn how to do it. Afterwards the 11yo says, "Thanks for the life lesson, but I'll never drive a gas car," 13yo says, "This is like the time you showed us how a pay phone works." 😂— Alana DiMario (@AlanaDimario) June 20, 2022
Excellent news! My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) June 20, 2022
90% of parenting is crumb identification.— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) June 22, 2022
I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasn’t because he’s “too busy.”— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) June 22, 2022
[After dropping a container of blueberries all over the floor]— DonutHawk (@StruggleDisplay) June 22, 2022
8 y/o: See! This is exactly why I wanted chips!
Getting someone pregnant makes you a father. Secretly bending the hose your kid is using so the water stops flowing then suggesting that the hose must be broken and encouraging them to look inside as you release the pressure and set Old Faithful off in their face makes you a dad.— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 19, 2022
I was in the bathroom when my 5-year-old busted in there with a tambourine. A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for.— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 18, 2022
i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. handing in my dad card. i have failed you. i have failed me.— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 22, 2022
There should be a different word for vacation when it’s with your kids. Like exhaustation.— @love.you.memeit (@LMemeit) June 22, 2022
at what age do kids realize it’s gross to drink their own bath water because the answer isn’t six— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) June 21, 2022
Getting a kid to leave a waterpark is like getting a drunk friend to leave the bar at closing time, they always have a reason to stretch it out— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) June 21, 2022
9yo, after giving my husband a heartfelt handmade Father's Day card: "They made us do that for school, that wasn't my idea."— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 20, 2022
“This funeral would be a lot more fun if we could go in the hot tub”—my Jewish kid talking about the giant baptismal font in this church.— OyVeyLady (@OyVeyLady) June 20, 2022
I used to think I would be a cool laid back dad then my kids left the back door open when it was 97° outside.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 17, 2022
If you ever feel like your kindergartener’s questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you.— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 21, 2022
My 5yo’s lunch bag came home yesterday with a bunch of noodles on it. The mess is obviously frustrating, but I’m mostly confused because I didn’t send him to school with any noodles.— Kevin The Dad (@kevinthedad) June 21, 2022
Yay, summer! Also, uh oh, summer.— AparnaRC (@Wordesse) June 17, 2022
- Parents, everywhere
I need to buy a teacher gift that says, "I'm sorry my son hit you in the face with a shoe."— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) June 21, 2022
My 4yo asked me what I’m getting him for my birthday tomorrow. This is how the argument started.— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) June 21, 2022
My daughter has decided she loves giving “massages”, or as I like to call them, “tests of mom’s pain tolerance”— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) June 20, 2022
[Watching our kids play]— A Bearer Of Dad News (@HomeWithPeanut) June 22, 2022
My wife: They are so weird, right?
Me: I don't even notice anymore.