Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents for more!
Parenting is ok except for every once in a while when my 3-year-old requests “Ham Hands” for lunch, which is when she takes two handfuls of ham and eats it in the living room while she watches tv.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 11, 2023
Was shocked to hear this little girl say she wanted to be a street walker when she grows up until I realized she meant a crossing guard.
— @itssherifield (@itssherifield) April 11, 2023
Me: Sorry honey, we are out of oatmeal.
— MommyingHard (@MommyingHard) April 11, 2023
3yo: *sigh* I guess give me a cookie then.
My 6yo says she doesn't believe in the Easter bunny anymore because "it's 𝙤𝙗𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙪𝙨 a person in a bunny costume breaks into our house and leaves Easter baskets."
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) April 8, 2023
She's onto us.
Dads love saying, “I can see 3 eggs from where I’m standing that you haven’t found yet.”
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 9, 2023
“and that’s why you should always put your stuff away” I lecture my kid as we search for the missing candy I ate while she was sleeping
— I Hide From My Kids (@IHideFromMyKids) April 8, 2023
Yesterday I asked my kindergartener what she did in school and she said "nothing," then later I went on Instagram and her teacher had posted a picture of her holding a crocodile.
— Kristen Mulrooney (@missmulrooney) April 14, 2023
What you need to know about toddlers is you can’t tell them any information because they will make it their business immediately. I told my toddler someone scratched our car and he burst into tears bc “but I don’t know where there are any car repair shops”
— Lucy Huber (@clhubes) April 8, 2023
My 1YO hit my 5YO with his toy so she got upset and asked me if we can return him to the hospital and pick up a "nicer kid".
— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 10, 2023
As my coffee brews, 7 leaves the kitchen…
— redyellowgreendance 💃🏻 (@RYGdance) April 11, 2023
Me: “Where you goin?”
Him: “I wanna give the coffee machine privacy while it’s peeing.”
My 1yo is crawling around on the floor eating a pretzel, which shouldn’t be a problem except I don’t remember the last time I bought pretzels.
— Mediocre Mom (@MediocreMamaa) April 11, 2023
Shaking my head at how many Greysons are in my kid’s class as if I didn't just send a work email to the 5th Chris of the day
— meghan (@deloisivete) April 12, 2023
Indian parents on Easter be like, look the bunny brought you some math worksheets
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) April 9, 2023
My 4yo just started playing rock, paper, scissors with himself. The good news is he won.
— mom mom mom mom mom (@notmythirdrodeo) April 12, 2023
Petition to change the expression “like a bull in a china shop” to “like a kid in the glassware section of HomeGoods.”
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 10, 2023
me: it’s an egg dying party!
— Daddy Go Fish (@daddygofish) April 8, 2023
8yo: why are we celebrating dead eggs?
The Most Dangerous Game but it’s asking a child to guess your age
— Katie D (@KatieDeal99) April 11, 2023
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