Funniest Parenting Tweets: What Moms And Dads Said On Twitter This Week

Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!

"Ok, kids. Does everyone have their shoes, socks, snacks, books diapers, fights, and questions about mortality? Good, let's run errands."
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) July 9, 2014

Today is "dress like your favorite star" at camp and Birdie requested to dress like "Rachel from Friends" THIS IS MY CHILD!
— Busy Philipps (@BusyPhilipps) July 9, 2014

Kid cleaning out toy box:
"Look, Mom! I found my harmonica!!"

Wow. It's my lucky day.
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 13, 2014

Funny how much my kids cleaning up their toys in the basement sounds like them beating the crap out of each other while laughing.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 9, 2014

If it weren't for all the banging, screaming, whining and crying, kids probably wouldn't be half bad.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 8, 2014

My son just asked me not to get out of the car when I drop him off for camp bc "I look rough." Guess who IS GETTING OUT OF THE CAR NOW, kid.
— Tanis Miller (@tanis_eh) July 9, 2014

That moment when you realize your 6yo's fingernails look not unlike the talons of a velociraptor.

That.
— Sarah del Rio (@sarahdelri0) July 9, 2014

Noticed this morning that school starts August 21.
Finally. Something exciting to look forward to.
— YKIHAYHT (@YKIHAYHT) July 11, 2014

Signed my youngest up for kindergarten today. Not gonna lie, I cried...bc now I have to hear BOTH kids bitch about homework.
— One Classy Motha (@MothaKim) July 9, 2014

Thank goodness there are kids in the world to remind us that we should be whining about more than we already do.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 7, 2014

4 yo: Mom did Elsa freeze you?
Me: No why?
4 yo: You have white stripes in your hair.
Me Those are from YOU!
4 yo So I'm magic?
Me Um..sure.
— Tracy Morrison (@sellabitmum) July 9, 2014

16 is playing this game with me called "the silent treatment".

He thinks he's winning. Rookie.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 8, 2014

20yo me: Look at the skinny girl! She has no hips! I hate her.
38yo me: Look at the skinny girl! She has no hips! Where do her babies sit?
— carly kimmel (@carlykimmel) July 6, 2014

I don't always tell my kids how to dress, but when I do it's because they want to wear fleece to the pool.
— Amy Flory (@FunnyIsFamily) July 9, 2014

The 6YO's phonetic spelling is adorable until she starts playing word games on the iPad.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) July 10, 2014

I just picked off something stuck to my wife's back. Turns out it was a booger from our 5yo because DUH.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) July 7, 2014

You know you're lowering your expectations as a parent when you no longer want to raise a president but just someone who flushes the toilet.
— Kelcey Kintner (@mamabirddiaries) July 11, 2014

3yo just got a tissue and wiped the baby's nose. I feel silently judged.
— lyz lenz (@lyzl) July 10, 2014

I told my kid how I scored 35 pts in a college basketball game and she promptly started snoring. If I need her to sleep, now I know how.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 9, 2014

Picture me out with my kids.
Wrong. More trips to the bathroom.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 10, 2014

My son's making us dinner and I'm pretty sure it's going to cost me my sanity plus the price of a large pizza in about an hour.
— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) July 7, 2014

My eight year-old won't eat his vegetables because he says they don't fit his personal brand.
— Dave Pell (@davepell) July 7, 2014

I don't always step on a loud creaky spot on our floor, but when I do, I do it right after my kids have just fallen asleep.
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) July 13, 2014