Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Both kids slept past 6. Miracles *can* happen!
— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) July 14, 2015
How did she know my very favorite way to wake up is 90 minutes before the alarm with a tiny elbow in my throat and a mouthful of hair?
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) July 16, 2015
A fun game is to see how many rules your 4yo can ignore before you finish your first cup of coffee.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 14, 2015
I did the preschool drop-off today and my kid strolls in to this chorus of "AMELIA!!!!!" like she's Norm on Cheers and is all "oh, hey."
— Nicole Cliffe (@Nicole_Cliffe) July 14, 2015
I'm not saying not to have kids, but if you want everything you own broken & ruined beyond repair, they're totally for you.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 13, 2015
Me to Son: Stop acting like a monkey or I'll make you live in a tree. Son: *excited* THAT SOUNDS SO COOL! Well, that didn't go as planned.
— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) July 13, 2015
The children get along so much better when the wifi is working...
— AM (@Amrrwise) July 16, 2015
We dropped our kids off at camp for a week and the first thing we did was sign them up for next summer.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) July 12, 2015
Me: What kind of fruit do you want? 5yo: Gummies Me: That's not fruit 5yo: It says "made with fruit" Lesson: Don't teach your kids to read
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) July 14, 2015
Apparently my kids think it's madatory to visit every bathroom between our house & our destination. Is this like the show bathroom crashers?
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) July 15, 2015
I keep forgetting to wear sunglasses so the other parents at the park can't see my eye rolls.
— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) July 15, 2015
Saw a movie with my sons today. Actually, saw 30 minutes of buying popcorn, 30 minutes of taking them potty and 30 minutes of actual movie.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 14, 2015
Back to School shopping, a.k.a: "How can you have outgrown EVERYTHING you wore last year? You mean I have to buy you a whole new wardrobe??"
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) July 14, 2015
You were the 1989 neighborhood Tetris champ, dammit. *cracks knuckles* You got this. *crams 2 weeks worth of groceries into cart w/3 kids*
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 15, 2015
Parenting is 50% saying, "No!"... And 50% saying, "Fine! Go ahead! I don't even care anymore!!!"
— AmishPornStar (@AmishPornStar1) July 14, 2015
"Is it September yet?" -all the parents
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 12, 2015
A Lonely Planet guide for parents. It would detail the finest public restrooms, playgrounds & restaurants that provide crayons & highchairs.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) July 13, 2015
*Runs a bath Me: ok, jump in 3: it's too hot *Adds cold water Me: Ok, get in 3: it's too cold Apparently I gave birth to Goldilocks.
— Aussie Annie (@MummaCrazy) July 14, 2015
Also on HuffPost:
Cute Kid Notes
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