Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I told my kids we had to leave 10 minutes early today & then we all laughed & laughed & left late as usual.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 17, 2015
If you've had a lightsaber pointed at you while you were on the toilet you may be a parent ...or your life is way more interesting than mine
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) November 17, 2015
5-year-old: The baby won't help clean up the house. Me: She's a week old. 5-year-old: I know. She's been lazy long enough.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 19, 2015
[Grocery store intercom] Attention shoppers, please come to the front desk if you've lost a toddler shoe. [50 parents come to front desk]
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 18, 2015
[Hands 8yo my unopened water bottle] 3 seconds later... [8yo hands back crumpled bottle of backwash she already lost the cap to]
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) November 19, 2015
At the bar w my husband celebrating our 3 yr Facebook friendship anniversary. Hey, I'm 34 with 3 kids, I'll use any excuse I can to go out.
— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 17, 2015
Can't get my kid to say two words about what happened at school but I asked him what he wants for Christmas & he's been talking for 6 hours.
— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 16, 2015
Her: Why are people with kids always late? Me: Because someone always has to poop and someone else always loses their shoes. That's why OK?!
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 17, 2015
Most of being a parent means saying "Great!!" when your kid insists you watch him perform an unidentifiable skill.
— Dare To Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) November 17, 2015
Hell hath no fury like a toddler wants to "do it herself." Three hours later, I'm still waiting for her to get out of the car.
— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) November 17, 2015
5yo: "It's a school day? Again? Next year can you buy a calendar with less school days?"
— Mark, Sonny, & Luca (@sonnyandluca) November 16, 2015
"Pull forward, let your child out, exit the circle" are perhaps the most misunderstood words in the English language.
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) November 19, 2015
Stop trying to make the green bean casserole happen! It's not going to happen! ~My kids
— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) November 17, 2015
*proudly shows off abundant amount of trash in my car* this is because my life is so full
— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) November 17, 2015
My least favorite Dr. Seuss book is the one he wrote for parents, Oh the Things You Never Fathomed You'd Touch with Bare Hands.
— Hot Breakfast (@amydillon) November 16, 2015
Made it to that level of dad where I can embarrass my oldest child simply by existing.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 16, 2015
Parenting would be a lot easier if I could turn into a werewolf every time I was angered.
— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) November 19, 2015
My son put "Doritos" on his Christmas list and I may have shed a tear.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) November 20, 2015
The biggest surprise about becoming a parent was just how much further I could let myself go.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 18, 2015
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