Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
79 percent of parenting is just thinking up new and creative responses to "I don't want to."— Tartlandia (@SardonicTart) February 9, 2016
7yo: Did you drink coffee before we were born?— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) February 9, 2016
7yo: Did you eat pancakes?
7yo: What didn't you do?
Me: Talk while peeing.
There are few things more terrifying than finding your toddler in the living room with an uncapped red Sharpie in her hand.— Sara (@smilely_gal) February 9, 2016
Hell hath no fury like a toddler when you try to get her dressed in the morning with really cold hands.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 5, 2016
Preschool Registration form: What's one word you would use to describe your child?— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 6, 2016
*writes in all caps: RELENTLESS.
Did some art projects with my kids and now I'm covered in glitter forever.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) February 10, 2016
"Sure, sure, you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me," she says to her kids as she quickly hides her Beyoncé tickets in her pocket— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) February 9, 2016
When you argue with your kid over their meal and they tell you, "the customer is always right," you may have created a monster.— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) February 9, 2016
Me: "Who was your Valentine, buddy?"— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) February 10, 2016
3yo, covered in Avengers tattoos, 4 Jolly Ranchers in his mouth, crazed look in his eye: "Everyone."
My 5yo included a little something special with each Valentine she signed...— Wendy S. (@maughammom) February 9, 2016
Germs. Because she coughed on every single one of them.
Dad can you— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 10, 2016
*lists 100 different things*
For me real quick?
My 5yo just told me I'm the meanest mom in the world so now I'm freaking out, like wtf I don't even have a speech prepared or anything.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 12, 2016
What I said: Get in the car.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 9, 2016
What my kids heard: Pour another bowl of cereal & watch TV.
"OH MY GOD WHY IS MY LIFE SO HARD?" said my 6yo, as he did his homework with crayons.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 11, 2016
I think my kids were put on this earth to help me perfect my skills at turning laundry right-side-out.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 11, 2016
Growing up I used to be afraid of the dark but now I am afraid of hearing my toddler wake up in the middle of the night.— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) February 11, 2016
Well, seems I've reached the point in life where my type is "Looks like he's probably a great dad."— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) February 9, 2016
Wife: *back from the store* How were the kids?— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 11, 2016
Wife: I took them with me. You didn't even notice
Me: I thought they were quiet
How long before I can discard all the Valentine stuff my kid brings home from school without my kid noticing?— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 11, 2016
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