Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
They say it takes a village to raise a child so I left my kids in the Magic Kingdom and went back to the room.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 17, 2016
I want to do it myself.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 17, 2016
I want to do it myself.
I want to do it myself.
Me: Can you clean up this mess?
I want you to.
The loudest sounds in the world:— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 19, 2016
3) jet engine
2) nuclear explosion
1) toddler throwing a temper tantrum in public
The child who spent the past five years of her life watching me pee just told me she needed privacy in the bathroom.— lyz lenz (@lyzl) February 16, 2016
80% of being a parent is just saying, "Hurry up! We're late!"— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 16, 2016
If I wanted to torture a bad guy into talking, I'd tie him up and take him on a 6 hour road trip with my two kids in the back seat.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 18, 2016
The 80/20 Rule of Parenting: You must tell a toddler a rule 80 times for them to hear it 20 times so they finally follow it for the 1st time— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) February 16, 2016
*6 wakes us unreasonably early— My Meh-moir (@TheAlexNevil) February 17, 2016
"Do you guys think I don't have school today cuz I do and I'm huuungry."
Get him for a good price--act now.
My daughter just left 3/4 of her donut uneaten, and that pretty much sums up all you need to know about kids.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 19, 2016
Parenting is basically surprising yourself each day due to how much stuff you can get done while in a perpetual state of exhaustion.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) February 16, 2016
It's weird how, "We need to leave in 10 minutes" and "Let's build a pillow fort" are seemingly interchangeable sentences to my kids.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) February 18, 2016
Was heading upstairs after my workout in the basement then heard my kids having a recorder battle up there so I guess I live down here now.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) February 15, 2016
Me: "You have to start going to bed earlier"— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) February 17, 2016
8yo: Bye, mom!— Sarah (est. 1975) (@est1975blog) February 19, 2016
Husband: Bye, hon!
Me: Can one of you turn the TV off before you lea---
8yo: GOTTA GO
Husband: *already starting car
Upside: 6yo says I smell like "vanilla & pineapples"— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 17, 2016
Downside: He also says I'm "nice & squishy"
My toddler locked me in the garage. As I reached through the pet door to get back in she stole chocolates. I'm not even mad. I'm impressed.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) February 17, 2016
Green Eggs and Ham is my favourite Dr. Seuss book about the contents of my fridge.— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) February 18, 2016
My kids never finish their dinner because they're saving room for bath water.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 19, 2016
My 6yo is singing Living On A Prayer in a very rock n roll way except he thinks it's prairie instead of prayer. 💯— Li'l Edie Pentland (@JennyPentland) February 19, 2016
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