Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
If you ever want to see how patient you are, watch a 4 yr old try to zip up their jacket. You should be canonized for sainthood after that.
— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) February 22, 2016
6yo: Mommy, can I have a TV in my room?
— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) February 26, 2016
Mommy: If I did that, I'd never see you
6yo: Yes you would - for breakfast, lunch and dinner
Me:
— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) February 22, 2016
*wakes up, puts on sweatpants*
*drives to coffee shop*
*orders 4 large coffees*
Stranger:
*looks at me*
"So how many kids do you have?"
Oh you kids want to sleep in?
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) February 26, 2016
[blares lights]
It's too early?
[pokes eyelids]
MY HOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED.
[jumps on beds, elbows out]
A large part of parenthood is spent watching all the things you used to love slowly disappear beneath a haze of Goldfish & Cheerios crumbs.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 22, 2016
If you've ever said something easy is "like taking candy from a baby," you've never tried to take candy from a baby. A baby will cut you.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) February 23, 2016
A scavenger hunt, but it's just our entire family trying to find my preschooler's jacket.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 22, 2016
All the kids who now hate One Direction will be out dancing to it in 30 years time, having a cry, then leaving to let the babysitter go home
— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) February 23, 2016
My kids say I need to stop trying to embarrass them but joke's on them because I'm not even trying.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 25, 2016
Somewhere between having children and buying a minivan, we became those parents who wash and reuse cottage cheese containers.
— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) February 22, 2016
My favorite sound is when my kids tell me they are going to play outside.
— Meredith (@PerfectPending) February 26, 2016
Overheard my 6yo tell my husband to "hide the Oreos somewhere that mommy can't find them." #shesontome
— Morgan Shanahan (@the818) February 24, 2016
I do love my offspring but when I find out they ate my chocolate candy stash....Then I hate them. A lot.
— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) February 26, 2016
Woke my daughter for school and she literally growled at me. Brings a tear to my eye seeing her act like me a little more every day.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) February 23, 2016
4yo: "Hi, Daddy Daddy bo fatty!"
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) February 23, 2016
(Special thanks to whoever taught him that name game banana song thing)
Yes, we're friends, Jen. But not spend-my-Saturday-afternoon-with-a-dozen-4-year-olds-in-exchange-for-sheet-cake-friends, friends.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) February 26, 2016
I need that little Dig Dug character, but to get through my daughter's bedroom.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) February 26, 2016
I just had the "don't glue things to your walls" conversation with my 6 year old. How's your morning going?
— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) February 26, 2016
7yo on movie plots: "The sweet characters always die first."
— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) February 26, 2016
