Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Me: Put on your clothes.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) March 28, 2016
3-year-old: You make me get dressed EVERY DAY!
This time I've gone too far.
Coworker: Looks like you forget your belt.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) March 31, 2016
Me: I have a 5yo & a two-month-old keeping me up every nite. You're lucky I remembered my pants.
I don't even know why my kids call me mom. Clearly when they look at me they see a human napkin.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 30, 2016
Dad, the Easter Bunny should know that I don't like Rolos but he puts them in my basket every year.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 28, 2016
Me: (eating a Rolo) Yeah, that's weird.
It's 10:30 at night. Should I tell my kids to give up on the Easter egg hunt or just let them keep looking?— Darin Loves Bacon (@darinlovesbacon) March 28, 2016
Say, "Why are you sticky?" 53x today...— Travis Bone (@FinallyHeSleeps) April 1, 2016
Congratulations. You now know what it's like to have a 4yo.
My kids are communicating with each other solely through angry knock-knock jokes, but sure, Spring Break is going great.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) March 31, 2016
I have 'every piece of furniture in this house is probably just as dirty as the floor' number of children.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) March 30, 2016
Oh, you didn't spend your morning referring a fight over who's fart was "more awesome?" Well isn't your life a delight.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 31, 2016
Remember when coffee & ibuprofen were for when u partied too hard before an exam? Now it's bc I was up until 9 moving bins to the basement.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 28, 2016
My 3 year old told the doctor that she liked eating her vegetables.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 31, 2016
And the academy award goes to....
With kids, I don't even ask why things are sticky anymore. I just assume everything is sticky. Sticky is now my default.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) April 1, 2016
Fear is sleeping in, and waking to the sound of your children, already downstairs, plotting April Fools pranks for you.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 1, 2016
11: I need props for my book report— Momzilla111 (@Momzilla111) March 28, 2016
Me: Book report?When?
Trying to decide if next day shipping should come out of his allowance
There is no amusement park ride on the planet that could get my kids more excited than taking them through the indoor carwash.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) March 29, 2016
4yo: How old did you just turn?— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) March 29, 2016
4yo: I think that's when you start being old, right?
Me: *Eats 100 birthday cakes.*
Common Core Twitter— TheNotSoSuperMom (@notsosupermom_) March 31, 2016
notification: You have 5 new followers!
*finds 3 less followers than yesterday*
Trying to stay calm in parenting is making me shouty on Twitter so NO MORE ICE CREAM FOREVER ALL OF YOU— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) March 31, 2016
I asked my 6 yo if she was eating boogers and she was so offended “Mommy! I don’t even do that that much anymore!"— Morgan Shanahan (@the818) March 31, 2016