Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I'm not saying I'm a parenting genius but all of my kids went to school without crying this morning.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) April 4, 2016
No one warns you that parenting is 90% paperwork so that other people can take care of your kid.— Stella G. Maddox (@StellaGMaddox) April 6, 2016
Had to fill out a web form & my son was sitting on my lap. I marked the year I was born and he said, "Wow, Dad. The 19s. That's old."— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) April 4, 2016
My kid can ride a bike on two wheels but falls out of his chair while eating so yeah kids are still a mystery to me.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) April 5, 2016
Things the baby tried to eat instead of baby food:— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 5, 2016
1) an unroasted coffee bean
2) a small rock she found on the ground
3) her own foot
Me:"Sweetie, what do you say when you do something wrong?"— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) April 4, 2016
4yo: "I didn't do that!"
I thought my kids took long getting ready in the morning. Then they started a game called "whoever gets dressed last wins." See you in 3000.— Mike Reynolds (@PuzzlingPostDad) April 8, 2016
It's good that I have two kids because who DOESN'T hate silence and cleanliness and money and free time?— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) April 4, 2016
20% of parenting is getting hit in the eye at 2am by a tiny, sleeping bed-hog that you created.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) April 7, 2016
"Wait, when is Mother's Day?"— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) April 2, 2016
-Me, borderline panicked, every Saturday night in April.
"Write this down! This is important!" demanded my son, while dictating instructions for throwing people into volcanos.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) April 8, 2016
*at store— Father With Twins (@FatherWithTwins) April 5, 2016
Me: What kind cereal - Cheerios or Cinnamon Toast Crunch?
Me: Want cereal?
6: Cinnamon Toast Crunch!
PRO TIP: The serving size on a package of food doesn't factor kids' eating habits. Subtract 98% for healthy foods. Add 600% for snacks.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) April 7, 2016
6yo: "Daddy! We're ready to go to the bagel store! We have matching socks, matching pajamas, and we're both going commando! Want to see?"— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) April 2, 2016
6yo: WAS I IN WORLD WAR 2?— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 8, 2016
6: CUZ THAT WAS LIKE OVER 20 YEARS AGO?
1st grade history lesson. Brought to you by Common Core.
Approaching a child with a comb is a lot like approaching someone with a chainsaw.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) April 5, 2016
dad: "how about oatmeal for breakfast"— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) April 5, 2016
dad: "no, you guys need to AGREE!!"
kids: "we DID!!!!"
dad: "sorry, my auto reply was on"
[Listening to Hungry Like the Wolf]— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) April 2, 2016
10yo: When did this come out?
10: 19 or 18?