Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
6yo: Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) May 13, 2016
3yo: No, I'll call.
6yo: I want to call!
3yo: No, me!
My kids will literally fight about anything.
Putting my kids to bed is like The Hunger Games & the odds are literally never in my favor. Like, ever. I die in the 1st round. Every night.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 12, 2016
Slowest moving things in the world:— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 9, 2016
1) My kids getting ready for school in the morning
Parenting means that sometimes your entire breakfast is comprised solely of other people's french toast bread crusts.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) May 11, 2016
While pooping, 6 asked, "Is that chocolate on my finger from dessert?"— Jen Simon (@NoSleepInBklyn) May 9, 2016
"I don't know," I cried, "don't lick it!"
Motherhood in 3 words...
Marriage after kids is basically two zookeepers arguing about who has to clean up the monkey poop on a daily basis.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 10, 2016
Is anybody missing any crumbs? I think I found them all between our couch cushions.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) May 9, 2016
Friday the 13th and a full moon? I'll raise you a toddler and her exhausted mother.— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) May 13, 2016
4yo: Can you help me find that book with the pictures and the letters and all those colors?— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 6, 2016
Looks like my Friday night just planned itself.
Parenthood is knowing you can no longer use the word "duty" in a serious manner in your own home ever again.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) May 9, 2016
Interior designers say your home should have a theme. Mine is toys on the floor of every room, paired with piles of laundry as focal points.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) May 11, 2016
The great thing about having kids is that they automatically come with this "I will ruin everything you own" feature.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 12, 2016
The funniest thing I've heard today is my 5-year-old demanding Hamilton tickets— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) May 11, 2016
Being a mom is mostly reminding smaller versions of yourself what they're supposed to be doing.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) May 13, 2016
I bought tickets to go to the movies tonight but there's a decent chance I'll just take a three-hour nap in my car instead.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 10, 2016
If I ask how school was on the walk home I get "Fine." If I ask at bedtime I get War and Peace.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) May 11, 2016
I refuse to pick up the toy one of the kids left on the steps so I guess it's just part of our home decor now.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) May 10, 2016
My wife wants to take the kids to a zoo.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 13, 2016
This seems redundant.