Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Parenthood is good for people who want to to never get anything done ever again.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) June 9, 2016
I created a drinking game where my husband & I listen to Kidz Bop after kids go to bed & drink whenever they've changed a dirty song lyric.— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) June 7, 2016
If you hate the idea of having hot dinners in your life, you should consider having kids.— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) June 7, 2016
"The horror, the horror"— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 8, 2016
-me, realizing it's my daughter's last day of preschool and that summer break is on the horizon.
There are parents at this preschool graduation in formal wear and I just used water from an old sippy cup to get Dorito dust off my jeans.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 7, 2016
I can't tell if my baby is a slow clapper or is starting a slow clap to mock my parenting.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 8, 2016
Before kids I thought all the stories about mothers hiding in the bathroom, eating chocolate were an urban legend. Now I am one.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) June 6, 2016
As I drag the kids from their beds for the last day of school, somehow I know they'll be wide awake & up w/the sun to start summer vacation.— Susan McLean (@NoDomesticDiva) June 7, 2016
One day my kid will learn "we'll see" really means no. But until that day....— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 6, 2016
What I say: I just need to pee.— IAMTHEMILK (@KatiaDBE) June 8, 2016
What my kids hear: QUICK! Bathroom's about to become occupied for 30 sec let's take turns pooping for 25 min
I've learned that the quickest way to humble yourself is to challenge a 5-year-old to a memory card game.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) June 9, 2016
Listening to my kids argue on vacation is just like being at home except I have an ocean view.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 7, 2016
6-year-old: It's almost a little bit mostly completely done.— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) June 9, 2016
Not sure if that makes him an optimist or a politician.
It's summer and my husband is working long hours all week, so I'm playing a game called, "How many times can I feed the kids Mac & Cheese?"— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) June 9, 2016
We just got home after a week away and I'm seriously weighing the pros and cons of just burning our unpacked suitcases on the lawn.— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) June 6, 2016
when you're there to watch your kid in a school assembly... a bunch of strange kids walk in... and turns out you're in the WRONG assembly— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) June 7, 2016
I'd like to thank Kindergarten for teaching my son to read. Now sharing my I-C-E C-R-E-A-M is no longer an option.— CrazyExhaustion (@CrazyExhaustion) June 9, 2016
I'm watching an ad for a KidzBop Live concert and not recoiling. MOTHERHOOD, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME?— Liz Gumbinner (@Mom101) June 9, 2016
My 4-year-old calls Dunkin' Donuts "Drunken Donuts."— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 9, 2016
I was going to correct her.
Then I realized it was the best idea ever for a bakery.