Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
"But you just went pee"— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) June 21, 2016
- A Family Vacation Memoir
Best vacation destinations according to my 4-year-old:— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) June 20, 2016
3) McDonald's play place
2) car wash
1) sidewalk where she saw a dog that one time
Parenthood is mostly reminding the kids "no eating on the couch" while you're eating on the couch & agreeing with them that life isn't fair.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) June 20, 2016
Only two more days of school I tell myself as I throw granola bars at the kids.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) June 20, 2016
I asked my kid what he wants for breakfast and I'm anticipating an answer some time around never o'clock.— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) June 20, 2016
The only thing more certain than my kids arguing every day during summer is one of them asking, "Can I have $20?"— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) June 22, 2016
I wish I cared about anything in this world as much as my three-year-old cared about not letting me put his socks on this morning.— John Kinnear (@askdadblog) June 20, 2016
Dear every kid,— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 23, 2016
No one cares about your handstand in the shallow end.
I'm happy my kid will be in first grade next year if only because when I have to visit his classroom the chairs will be a little bit bigger.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) June 20, 2016
My mom is really excited about going on the boys' school trip to the zoo today... which is exactly why she is going and not me.— Lady E (@LadyEdotMe) June 20, 2016
My toddler has accidentally used Siri more than I have intentionally used Siri.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 18, 2016
My son rifled thru my purse & gave out my super absorbency tampons to all his friends. Because parenting is torture.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) June 18, 2016
A fun thing to do when you're a parent is never be able to find a pen and address all your important mail in blue crayon.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) June 21, 2016
4yo: You're a good dad.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) June 20, 2016
4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more.
4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said.
Told my kids to get rid of toys they don't play with, so if you hear a commotion it's just them desperately playing with every toy they own.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) June 21, 2016
WHY CAN'T MY KIDS KEEP TRACK OF THEIR JERSEYS?!?!? WHHHHHYYYYYYY?????— Evil Joy (@eviljoyspeaks) June 21, 2016
I hate when you are really mad at your kid and then they do something to make you laugh. So annoying.— John Willey (@DaddysinCharge) June 24, 2016
Me: No, we aren't playing carnival games. They're rigged so you lose money— Amanda Mushro (@QuestionableCIP) June 23, 2016
*cue kids with enormous carnival game winnings*
Pro tip:— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 22, 2016
Put all your kid's snacks in their lunchbox in 1 bag, and call it "trail mix" - your kids will love it + you'll save plastic bags