Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
VOICEMAIL: I'm sorry I can't come to the phone right now, my toddler typed the wrong password 200 times so I can't try again until next year— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) July 12, 2016
If you're looking for ideas, a family bike ride is another fun way to sit and listen to your kids complain for an hour.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 10, 2016
My kids cleaned the kitchen without being asked & now I'm afraid of what they want from me.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 12, 2016
When camp calls: "your child was bitten by a gecko in the Nature Center," and you didn't know geckos bit or that camp had a Nature Center.— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) July 13, 2016
If tell my 6yos I have a surprise for them at home, 100% chance they will guess non-stop till we arrive + get mad at me for not telling them— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) July 12, 2016
They say a watched pot never boils but that's still faster than anything you watch your kid do when you're running late.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 11, 2016
My daughter just told me her master plan: When I grow up I don't want to get my own house, but can I get a cat and bring it here?— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) July 13, 2016
Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing]— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) July 12, 2016
7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE
Me: [sigh] Thanks bud.
Just got home after a three day trip with my kids. I can't wait for them to fall asleep so my vacation can start.— Lunarbaboon (@Lunarbaboon) July 11, 2016
Noise cancelling headphones, but for quieting my kid's commentary while he's playing games on the iPad.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 13, 2016
Do you have to go to the bathroom?— Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) July 9, 2016
How about now?
FOR CRYING OUT LOUD
Yes, I did just let my 3yo cheat during a game of Chutes & Ladders.— Julie@NextLifeNOKids (@NextLifeNOKids) July 13, 2016
Because I don't have four hours to play a game of Chutes & Ladders.
Heading to Disney World next week so I'm prepping my kids by making them stand in line for meals, bathroom, trampoline, Xbox...— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) July 11, 2016
If you have five cookies, and your children ask for some, how many cookies do you have left?— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) July 11, 2016
None, you have no cookies left....
Kids were in the bathroom when I hear my 4yo say, "Watch out, brother! It's a big poop! Everybody take cover!"— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) July 13, 2016
In the future kids will come with Smart Child Technology™, including automatic volume control, surroundings sensor & controllable sleep mode— Big World, Small Meh (@TheAlexNevil) July 14, 2016
So far the only thing on my bucket list is 'pee without any kids finding you before you can flush the toilet.'— Court (@Discourt) July 13, 2016
90% of raising a 9yo is teaching them that garbage goes in a garbage can.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) July 14, 2016
Its not the heat, it's the humidity. It's not delivery, it's DiGiorno. It's not a murder scene, it's spaghetti night and I have 3 kids.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 13, 2016
This ends like Romeo and Juliet but with me collapsing still rinsing baby bottles at 80, and hubs passed out in a pile of his dirty laundry.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) July 15, 2016