Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Camp should end 4 minutes before the new school year starts.— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) August 1, 2016
Parenting tip: maybe don't leave Hungry Hungry Hippos on the floor of a dark room.— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) August 1, 2016
Hospitals should really send a nurse home with new moms, just to help out, not forever but maybe for the first 18 years or so.— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 3, 2016
I'm just a girl. Standing in front of a coffee mug. Hoping to drink it before it's cold.— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) August 1, 2016
Son is smuggling six PopTarts out of our hotel breakfast so he has "something for the ride home."— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) August 1, 2016
Apparently we're taking a covered wagon.
If you're not prepared to spend 1/3 of your day "watching this," then you aren't ready to be a parent.— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) August 4, 2016
Healthy Parenting Tip No. 34: Get the child into showbiz as soon as possible.— Ryan Reynolds (@VancityReynolds) August 1, 2016
I don't care how cute your kid is. When you wake up in the middle of the night and see them standing next to your bed, they are terrifying.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) August 1, 2016
My biggest parenting conundrum: why it is so hard to put someone who is already sleepy to sleep— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 5, 2016
"STOP SCREAMING!", she screamed at her kids.— Carbosly (@Carbosly) August 3, 2016
When do children grasp the concept of personal space? And does anyone have a place I can crash until mine finally do? Just for a few years!— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 3, 2016
Raise your hand if you addressed and stamped dozens of postcards for your kid to send you from camp & you have so far received zero.— Susan Orlean (@susanorlean) August 3, 2016
It's all fun and games during a tickle fight until your kid pees on you.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) August 4, 2016
Before I had kids, I didn't know you could ruin someone's day by saying, "Put your shoes on, please."— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 4, 2016
4-year-old: You've had lots of birthdays.— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 3, 2016
Me: Most of them were before you were born.
4: Did you save me cake?
Kids! Quiet down now.— Peyton Price (@Suburbanhaiku) August 3, 2016
The neighbors are on their deck.
I want to hear this.
There Will Be Blood 2, but it's my wife and I trying to donate some of our sons' toys.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 4, 2016
Had to explain to skeptical 8yo that a toiletry is NOT a tree with tiny toilets dangling from its branches.— Kathy Cooperman (@Kathy_Cooperman) August 3, 2016
Whenever I need to get a message to my wife, I just tell my kids the message and say, "Whatever you do, don't tell your mother."— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 4, 2016