Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
You think you have a pretty strong marriage until you try to help your 5th grader with her math homework together.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 11, 2016
Some Olympians have been training since they were 5.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 12, 2016
I'm hoping my 6yo comes home from summer camp today with 2 shoes on.
Olympians, don't want to piss on your parade but my 5yo has just likened your gold medal to his sticker for 'best listener' at holiday club.— Mark, Sonny & Luca (@sonnyandluca) August 11, 2016
I asked my son what time he wanted me to wake him up on the 1st day of school:— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 9, 2016
"6:30, so I can shower & cry."
My greatest frustration used to be people talking down to me because I'm a woman.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) August 10, 2016
Now it's just Thomas the Train.
Playing mini-golf with your family is a fun way to spend thirty-two dollars to watch your kid throw 18 tantrums in a row.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 12, 2016
Every time a child goes back to school, an angel gets its wings.— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) August 11, 2016
And by angel, I mean an exhausted mother and by wings I mean a mimosa.
8: I think I pulled my hamstring playing soccer— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 10, 2016
4: hamster can play soccer!?!
What happens at different ages, according to my 4-year-old:— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 11, 2016
5: Go to kindergarten.
8: Stay up late.
16: Learn to drive.
18: Be a pirate.
Toddlers only want to ride in a stroller if they can jump out of it at the most inopportune time.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 9, 2016
My daughter just got her first iPod, and I'm getting karmic payback for all the years I obnoxiously sang along to my Walkman on road trips.— Mommy, for real. (@MommyisForReal) August 12, 2016
My dream to be a diva was crushed by my kids and their dirty laundry.— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) August 9, 2016
Morning drinking game: every time I see a meltdown coming on I take a sip of coffee.— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) August 12, 2016
Me: This room is NOT cleaned up. You can't even walk in here!— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) August 9, 2016
7yo: Yes you can! *shuffle-plows feet through toys across the room* SEE???
"Don't worry"— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) August 11, 2016
"You can do this"
"Don't give up mommy"
Helping my 4 year old search for her iPad...
You know when a toddler makes a poop joke, everybody laughs so he does it again? Less funny when a 70 yr-old candidate does it every day.— Arianna Huffington (@ariannahuff) August 12, 2016