Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Planning a family outing is just deciding which activity will lead to the least amount of complaining from the least number of people.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) August 29, 2016
Before you have kids, practice yelling "GET UP NOW OR I WILL TAKE YOU TO SCHOOL IN YOUR PAJAMAS!" & see if it's right for you.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) August 29, 2016
No matter how many times it happens, the most surprising part of my day as a parent is when a plastic toy starts singing for no gd reason.— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) September 1, 2016
My kid would be playing a great game of hockey if he wasn't actually playing mini golf.— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) August 31, 2016
If you have never "accidentally" vacuumed up one of your kids annoying toys can you really even call yourself a parent?— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) August 28, 2016
How to save time when cooking for kids.— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) August 31, 2016
1. Throw half the meal on the floor.
2. Throw the other half in the trash.
Please keep my devastated kids in your thoughts and prayers, for there's no free wi-fi in this airport to watch Netflix on their iPads.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) August 28, 2016
Feeding a toddler is mostly lying about how good a food tastes.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 31, 2016
My son has talked about Minecraft & farts nonstop since 6 am. Sorry to burst your bubble, parents of toddlers who think it "gets easier."— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) August 29, 2016
[playing with toy dinosaurs]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) August 29, 2016
4-year-old: What's his name?
4: No, he's Stabby Face.
The paleontologists got it wrong.
I thought my toddler was too young to give me gifts, but then she handed me a hair-covered M&M.— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) August 31, 2016
My 6yos have been responding to everything I say this morning with "That's what she said."— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) August 31, 2016
I'm totally winning parenting
School parent meetings always prove that the saying "There are no dumb questions" is completely false.— Wendi Aarons (@WendiAarons) September 1, 2016
Ah, the world of children. A place where wiping your butt is viewed as optional.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) August 30, 2016
If you've never lost your kid's reading log, you don't know my life & we can't be friends.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) September 1, 2016
What I Say To 7:— MmmMeh!!! (@TheAlexNevil) September 1, 2016
"This is just between us"
What 7 Hears:
"Tell Mom everything and please embellish it to make it sound 100 times worse"