Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
The doctor told me I need to rest so I dropped the kids off at his office & now he won't stop calling me as if that's going to help me rest.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) October 13, 2016
My parenting book that I'll never write is now called "Whatever Works (We are all winging it anyway)".— Claire Smith (@MinistryOfMum) October 12, 2016
It's 8:40am & I just broke up a fistfight over who gets the last tater tot, in case you're wondering how fulfilling parenthood is.— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 11, 2016
Nap time is dead. In memoriam, we ask that you send wine in lieu of flowers.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 10, 2016
Becoming a parent has given me a deeper understanding of the phrase 'like a broken record'.— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) October 12, 2016
I can't go to school now. I need to play with this toy I haven't looked at in a year.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 10, 2016
- my 7yos before school every morning
My kid does this cute thing where she asks me a question and then another and another and another and IT NEVER STOPS.— Mommy_Owl (@Lhlodder) October 12, 2016
Husband: Can you please make the kids be quiet?— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) October 10, 2016
Me: AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Me: Wait. You're...serious?
Me: AHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
Having to tell your child to stop water bottle flipping before it's 7am is one of the perks of parenthood.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 10, 2016
Romance before kids: champagne & holding hands across a candlelit table.— Jennifer White (@yenniwhite) October 10, 2016
After: he deep cleaned the bathroom & it took my breath away.
My son turns nine months old today. According to my wife, her nine months of pregnancy took 300 times as long.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) October 12, 2016
"Why just take your socks off when you can take your socks off and throw them across the room?" -- Kids— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) October 13, 2016
October is basically helping your toddler put on his costume and take it off again over and over until you have a nervous breakdown.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) October 11, 2016
There are actually only two stages of parenthood: having children, and having children who can reach things on countertops.— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) October 12, 2016
My daughter's ballet class is dancing to theme song of Jurassic Park rn and it's cracking me up— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) October 13, 2016
Sorry we're late, you know how mornings are with kids, I got caught up gazing into my coffee in a panic induced state of existential despair— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 13, 2016
Doorbell just rang. My 2 year old:"oh! It's chocolate!"— Stephanie Rodham D (@StephDsays) October 11, 2016
I like the way you think, sister.
I attempted to cheer up a neighbor by praising her for being "real" and unlocked a new level of suburban housewife.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) October 12, 2016