Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
It's Book Fair week at school otherwise known as the week my kids suddenly want 1500 books.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) October 19, 2016
Me: Will you be good for your mom when I'm gone on my trip?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 20, 2016
4-year-old: Yeah, I'll act like I always do.
My wife is screwed.
According to toddlers, you haven't really said goodbye unless you've said it 20 or 30 times.— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) October 20, 2016
A parenting rite of passage is getting caught throwing away Happy Meal toys as they sing from their grave bc you didn't turn the sound off.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) October 15, 2016
My one son doesn’t like parmesan cheese on his pasta so he is for sale.— Kalvin MacGhoul (@KalvinMacleod) October 17, 2016
[Sam's Club]— Lurk @ Home Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 19, 2016
Husband: We'll never go through 28 bottles of Excedrin Migraine before they expire
Kids: *from toy aisle* Challenge accepted
My 7yo just had a meltdown because he had to open the bottle of syrup himself, but congratulations on your pregnancy.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 19, 2016
Me: Do you want more fish sticks?— Vote Meh! (@TheAlexNevil) October 18, 2016
7: Ice cream sounds great! Thanks!
M: You got that from me, didn't you.
Off to vacuum out the minivan. Be back in, oh, 3 hours. Thankfully, there's tons of juice boxes & Cheerios in there in case I get hungry.— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 20, 2016
I never thought I'd be that parent who'd say, "Don't make me turn this car around." But here I am. Being that parent.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 15, 2016
Told the kids while eating breakfast to hurry up so they could get to bed.— The Dose of Reality (@TheDoseTweets) October 21, 2016
I'll take wishful thinking for $1000 Alex.
Made it to that level of dad where I'm hiding in the garage so my daughter can't find me and has to ask mom to check her math homework.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 19, 2016