Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Baking Christmas cookies with your kids is a great way to question all of your life choices.
— Foxy Wine Pocket (@FoxyWinePocket) December 12, 2016
Did you just scream at your kids for no reason? Then, like me, you must be doing a fun family holiday craft project.
— The Daddy Complex (@thedaddycomplex) December 16, 2016
Most of "sleeping in" as a parent is listening to your kids try to "whisper."
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) December 16, 2016
I let my kids follow their dreams, unless I already paid the registration fee on their last dream, then they follow that for 6-8 more weeks.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 15, 2016
Kid texting:
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) December 13, 2016
Pick me up at 4:00.
I forgot my lunch money.
Can you bring my folder to school?
Mom?
Mom??????
Me:
New phone. Who dis?
A snow day on a Monday is the ultimate parental kick in the crotch.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) December 12, 2016
If anyone needs something divided EXACTLY in half, they should use the world's leading authority: any parent with two or more kids.
— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) December 13, 2016
When you're grocery shopping with kids & the candy aisle comes into view. pic.twitter.com/YIZGa4tmT0
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 11, 2016
Me: I start a new job today.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 12, 2016
7: Please be Santa Claus.
Me: Sorry, I just sit at a computer.
7: You need to think bigger & be more confident.
You know you're a parent when your primary wish during your child's school holiday performance is "please don't let mine be the crying kid."
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) December 14, 2016
You know those movies were there's a narrator constantly talking over everything the protagonist does? That's basically life with kids.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) December 16, 2016
I never knew you could do a job that you pretended to know what you were doing for longer than 3 years until I became a parent.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) December 11, 2016
I'm a parent, so if you really want me to feel at home I'm going to need you to cry while I brush my teeth and yell "Mooooom!" while I poop.
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) December 13, 2016
Someone asked if I was trying to do the no make-up challenge & I was like, "No, this is just what parenting looks like."
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 12, 2016
I wore a t-shirt that says Rad Dad today, but it was mostly an excuse for the rest of my attire.
— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) December 16, 2016
Before I was a parent I didn't know you could get a migraine from just getting your kids into bed at night.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 11, 2016
Kid fast asleep. Me staring at the ceiling while I sit on the couch. Laundry untouched. Motherhood is the real Mannequin challenge.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) December 14, 2016
6: I can't get up, I'm too tired
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 12, 2016
Me: *checks phone* oh, you have a snow da-
6: *bursts out of bed shrieking & runs 20 laps around the house*
Daughter: Mommy, where does lightning come from?
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 12, 2016
Me: Well sweetie, when you don't clean your room, the universe gets very very angry...
* work, cook, clean & parent all day and feel like I've done nothing
— Tonya Staab (@TonyaStaab) December 12, 2016
* 10mins connecting laptops to the printer & I've conquered the world
My face when someone on the couch asks if I can "be quieter unloading the dishes." pic.twitter.com/GrYFRdDV3u
— Brenna Jennings (@SuburbanSnaps) December 11, 2016
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.