Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My daughter treats me like I applied for the position of mom and she's concerned she's not providing enough work to justify my wage.
— New Bitch® (@BookisherBunny) September 26, 2014
75% of parenting is just looking for things your children can't find.
— Sam (@sammyj_04) September 28, 2014
Kids are like sponges. They smell bad.
— Bunmi Laditan (@BunmiLaditan) September 23, 2014
"Look, in just one Phil Collins song you can age 20 years." - me explaining Tarzan to my 3yo
— lyz lenz (@lyzl) October 3, 2014
Amount of damage will it cause times how long it keeps them occupied divided by amount of alcohol in the house.
- Parenting algorithm.
— Noir (@Go2Slp) October 2, 2014
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