Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Wednesday's breakfast:
— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 18, 2017
I'll have spilled coffee with a missing shoe, & a side order of child crying because sibling won't stop singing.
Parenting multiple kids is mostly just trying to keep the awake ones quiet enough that the sleeping ones stay asleep.
— Cray at Home Ma (@cray_at_home_ma) January 20, 2017
Day 1: Light breakfast
— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) January 16, 2017
Kids: We want more!
D2: Big breakfast
K: We're not hungry
D3: Kids ask for breakfast, I pretend I don't speak English
Romantic Dinner for Parents
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 16, 2017
"I love you"
"Love you too"
"Dinner was great."
"We're finally alone"
(from other room) "Somebody wipe me!"
Using the bathroom at your kid's school. pic.twitter.com/WwJPf4LHCY
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 17, 2017
Me: "You're going to bed in 5 minutes."
— Wendy S. (@maughammom) January 17, 2017
6yo: *bends the laws of space and time to make 5 minutes last 4 hours*
Watching a 3 year old try to sit down in a Barbie seat is pretty much the reason I had kids.
— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) January 18, 2017
Parenting for $800.
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 17, 2017
Alex: Answer: I HAVE TO POOP.
Me: What is "What kids say as you leave the driveway"?
A: That is correct!
Crowd goes wild
Me: You can’t just eat pizza and chicken nuggets. You have to try other foods.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 19, 2017
4-year-old: Why? I've already had the best.
Taking my son to the pediatrician is always a reminder that there is no such thing as too much hand sanitizer.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 17, 2017
Parenthood is...
— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) January 16, 2017
Having your kid yell "how come you cross your legs when you sneeze, Mom?" in the middle of a crowded Target.
Mom look isn't my homework funny?
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 16, 2017
Me: Ha yes because it has mommy's name?
8yo: No because who buys CDs? It's not the olden days. pic.twitter.com/M9ApuKiHVt
When the house is clean it makes me feel so freaking awesome.
— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) January 17, 2017
It's like the best five minutes of my entire day
I took the time to research and buy the #1 rated paper towel holder on Amazon just like the badass I hoped I would turn into when I grew up.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 18, 2017
Hey kids, why don't you go upstairs & make a huge mess while I clean this room. Then we can trade. After that we'll trade again. And so on..
— Mama Got Bamboozled (@MamaBamboozled) January 18, 2017
Excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me excuse me EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME EXCUSE ME!!! I forgot.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 19, 2017
-Kids
Parenting is great if you want to relive every moment from your childhood when your parents got mad at you - from your parents' perspective.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 18, 2017
Some days I want to time travel back to pregnant me and whisper, "Go take a nap. This is your last chance!"
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) January 19, 2017
Parenting truth #1302: If during a course of a given day you're not tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed it probably means you're dead.
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) January 19, 2017
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