Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
If you enjoy asking "Does anyone have to go pee pee before we leave?!?!!" then have I got the job for you...— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) February 22, 2017
Whoever had the bright idea of putting book jackets on children's books clearly never had children of their own.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) February 21, 2017
It's a mystery to me why toy stores haven't caught on to also selling empty boxes.— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) February 22, 2017
[playground]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 21, 2017
Other dad: Which kid is yours?
Me: *looks at 2-year-old throwing temper tantrum for no reason* I don't remember.
You want to practice what it's like having kids? Skip the puppy. In fact, skip lots of things.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 20, 2017
Showers. Hot food. Sleeping.
There you go.
"You're not the boss of me!!" I just yelled at my 13 year old daughter.— Jill Smokler (@smoklerjill) February 21, 2017
If I get my toddler tired enough she'll sometimes nap for a full 10 minutes.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 19, 2017
Top Three Reasons From A 7 Year Old:— Mi Meh Es Su Meh (@TheAlexNevil) February 21, 2017
2) I don't know
1) (shoulder shrug)
Kids: Because showers should be something to fight about.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 22, 2017
This hot bath turned out to be very relaxing...once I removed the robotic fish, a giant stegosaurus and half a platoon of plastic army men.— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) February 22, 2017
I've never been in a bar fight but I have been to a birthday filled with 7-year-olds.— charliecapen (@charliecapen) February 19, 2017
I have been successfully sitting in chairs for over 40 years without falling off--a skill I apparently didn't pass on to my boys.— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) February 23, 2017
Well, my son just gave me a yellow lollipop, so I'm pretty sure he's carrying out his plot for my demise.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 19, 2017
I know my 2yo loves me because I'm the one he runs to when he's stuffed too much food in his mouth and needs to spit it into someone's hand.— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 23, 2017
My kids won't go to sleep & they're driving me nuts. Also trying my first facemask so I'm about to scare the living daylights out of them.— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) February 20, 2017
Being a parent is so rewarding, esp when your toddler gets up at 3 & your 3yo gets up at 5:30 sobbing about EVERYTHING. So. Rewarding.— My Name is Mommy (@mommywhitfield) February 22, 2017
I made my kids a healthy breakfast this morning, then we laughed & laughed as I dumped it into the garbage & poured bowls of cereal instead.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 23, 2017
You're not really at a pool until your kid yells "mom, watch me" 372 times.— Momma of Midgard (@MidgardMomma) February 20, 2017
Toddler Food Network:— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 22, 2017
"For easy plating, drop it on the floor and refuse to eat until a different meal is served."
I’m just a mom, standing front of a kid, asking him to stop making fart sounds with his mouth.— Jess (@shuggilippo) February 23, 2017
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