Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
"Awwww they're so fun but also soul crushing at this age." - me, meeting a child of any age— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) February 28, 2017
Having 3 kids means I literally have no concept of what is or is not gross to normal people anymore.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) February 28, 2017
I don't always sleep in on Sunday mornings but when I do...— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) February 26, 2017
I'm a parent. I don't sleep anymore.
Taking my kids somewhere special for a treat is a great way to find out where they would have rather gone.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 28, 2017
I just broke up a fight over someone repeatedly calling someone else a “nightgown face,” if anyone wants to know what parenting is like.— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) February 27, 2017
My favorite part of being corrected by my 6-year-old is how he's wrong 99% of the time.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 27, 2017
My least favorite part is that other 1%.
My 5yo just popped his eyes open from a nap and said "What can I have for dinner?" so definitely my child.— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) February 26, 2017
Everyone has practice so we can either have dinner at 4:30 or 9:00.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 1, 2017
5pm, to kids: "Stop complaining that there's nothing good to eat here! Have some fruit!"— Six Pack Mom (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 2, 2017
11pm, to self: "There's nothing good to eat here."
Some days parenting is so rewarding and joyful and amazing… or so I’ve heard.— Court (@Discourt) February 28, 2017
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can, and will, be used against you by your child in a busy public setting.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 27, 2017
My 3-year-old is watching Beauty and the Beast for the first time. "Is that a broken cup?" He's wondering who is busted for breaking Chip.— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) February 28, 2017
My parenting backup plan is to keep handing out snacks.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) March 2, 2017
Practice makes perfect.— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) March 1, 2017
And headaches, when it's Mary Had a Little Lamb for the bazillionth time on a recorder for school.
The worst part of my husband getting up with the kids is trying to decide if I should join him, or escape out the window & start a new life.— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) March 2, 2017
Having a house full of cold-ridden kids isn't so bad when you give up on life and let them watch Netflix for 12 hours a day— Ash (@cray_at_home_ma) February 27, 2017
You are NEVER watching Wild Kratts again!!— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) February 28, 2017
*and other irrational bedtime threats
When I go grocery shopping without my kids, I use that freedom to get so much food that people must think I’m a doomsday prepper.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 2, 2017
My fairy tale ending: 3yo is finally, truly potty trained and the old pee smell that has become my constant laundry companion is vanquished.— Missy (@MamaFizzles) February 28, 2017
I told my kid I wasn't going to pick up after him anymore, and then we laughed and laughed. I cherish these moments together.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) March 1, 2017
6: Mom I'm sad that you're sick— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 2, 2017
Me: Aw, I'll get better soon, ur so swee-
6: That's good bc I can't reach the cookies
6: It's so sad