Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Parenting: where being able to hear a pin drop is either blissful or terrifying.— The Mehsozoic Era (@TheAlexNevil) May 24, 2017
Imagine having kids and also being able to concentrate on something hahahaha— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 22, 2017
My kids throw a lot of shade for tiny people completely dependent on me for survival.— Ponies and Martinis (@PonyMartini) May 24, 2017
I feel like I don't get enough credit for all the times I only screamed at my kids in my head.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) May 22, 2017
I am "my morning was spent investigating WHO tossed underwear into the toilet" years into parenting— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) May 22, 2017
[Me after 10 minutes at the playground]— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 20, 2017
Omg, we've been here for like a million years.
Just heard 7yo yell out from the other room: "You'll never get away with this!"— Winey Mama (@coffeeAMwinePM) May 21, 2017
I'm a little scared but excited to see how this plays out.
I bet the person who invented the MUTE button on your phone was a parent who worked from home.— Ilana Wiles (@mommyshorts) May 23, 2017
I'm just your average mom, trying to convince my kids that 4:45pm is indeed their bedtime, because I've had enough of their shit for one day— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) May 24, 2017
My signature move is buying something "for the kids" and then eating the whole thing before they get home— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) May 24, 2017
When I finally teach my youngest to blow his nose & cover his mouth when he sneezes, I will consider the hardest parts of parenting over.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) May 24, 2017
If you miss your children just find a quiet place to sit by yourself and relax.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) May 25, 2017
They will find you...
Parents who send your children to school with brushed hair in May, I salute you— Farah Miller (@farahlearned) May 23, 2017
Sometimes you eat a gourmet meal & sometimes you stand in your kitchen & eat your kid's leftover nuggets and tots. It's called parenthood.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) May 21, 2017
My son just asked for a Starbucks Crapuccino & I don't plan to ever correct him.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 20, 2017
Come to my house when I'm getting my kids ready to go somewhere and literally watch me age.— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) May 21, 2017
I don't always go shopping with all of my kids, but when I do, I wish I had left them at home.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 22, 2017
Yesterday was the last day of school and my kids are already done with all of the activities planned for them to do at home this summer.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 26, 2017
My kids’ favorite summer activity is getting a cup of water, taking 1 sip before dumping it out, and leaving it in the sink for me to wash.— Unremarkable Files (@ThatEvansLady) May 24, 2017
An alternate reality where kids actually listen the first time and dinner just makes itself.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) May 21, 2017
People that send your kids off to summer camps, what's it like to be able to finish a thought without being interrupted?— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 24, 2017
I wish I loved anything as much as my kids love making me mad.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 22, 2017
My son currently describes himself as "a fidget spinner pro" and "a kid who does good armpit farts" so this should be a fun summer.— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 24, 2017
Legit couldn't find my kid for 10 minutes during a game of hide and seek. Yes I was trying. Her room was just that messy.— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) May 25, 2017
Me: What happened, you spilled your juice?— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 21, 2017
Me: It's ok, was it an accident?
Me: Aw, ok let's clean it- wait. what?
The same kid who claimed she needs a fidget spinner b/c she "can't focus" just spent 8 minutes picking every sesame seed off her bagel.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) May 21, 2017