Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I didn't nap nearly enough prior to becoming a mother.— MumMumMommy 🤦🏻♀️ (@tinyandtired) June 13, 2017
You know what really makes having kids worth it? When you haven't shaved for a day and they touch your skin and say, "your leg is spiky."— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 15, 2017
I started calling my kid's chores "jobbies" to make them sound like fun hobbies and it 100% does not help.— Andy Herald (@AndyHerald) June 13, 2017
Sign you're a parent: while changing in dressing room, you hear, "Ma!" & yell back, "What?!" before remembering:— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 16, 2017
You're shopping alone.
Friend: What's that thing where you're always tired but can never get rest?— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 12, 2017
"You can play for 5 more minutes and then it's time to go!"— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) June 12, 2017
-Every parent at the park
Day 1,459 of my son acting shocked and aggrieved when I tell him to go brush his teeth before bed.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) June 13, 2017
If you enjoy long heated arguments about whether or not mermaids can breathe on land, parenting is for you.— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) June 7, 2017
When your baby learns to talk, you realize all of those important things you thought your baby was saying were just demands for more food.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 15, 2017
"And it is then, when you are at your most tired, that your kids will find yet an even earlier time to wake up."— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) June 11, 2017
- old parenting proverb.
Netflix should have a "times watched" counter for kids' shows so you can track your slow descent into madness.— Dragging Feeties (@DraggingFeeties) June 12, 2017
7yo: I got duck poop on my hand— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 11, 2017
Me: Ok, don't touch anything until we get home
*looks in back seat
7yo: *already eating crackers
Paint your bathroom a pretty shade of blue so when you're in there hiding from your kids it almost feels like you're sitting by the ocean.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) June 14, 2017
Son: how old were you when you felt like you were a grown up?— DaddyJew (@DaddyJew) June 15, 2017
Me: I'll let you know when I get there
Pretending not to see the things my kids do is the glue that holds my sanity together.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 16, 2017
Parenting wouldn't be so hard if I didn't care how my kids turned out.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) June 12, 2017
If you enjoy asking questions like "Whose socks are on the kitchen table," I can't recommend parenting highly enough.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) June 13, 2017
Forget partying, I'm going to fight for my right to potty. Alone.— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) June 13, 2017
I could probably travel to the sun and back in the same amount of time it takes to put sunscreen on my two tiny, wiggly humans.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) June 14, 2017
They say you don't know love until you become a parent, and that's because you finally understand how much you love sleep. Or sitting down.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 12, 2017
I used to watch horror films for entertainment, now I just watch my kids bake a cake in our kitchen. 👨🍳😱— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) June 12, 2017
Son's Summer Vacation, Day 1:— Dr Jekyll and Mr Meh (@TheAlexNevil) June 12, 2017
5:58am: its quiet...too quiet..
6:02am (loud noises): Ah, there it is
Thanks to my 5 yr old son screaming "What's this?" while holding it up, all the parents at swim team now know I have a tampon in my bag.— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) June 15, 2017