Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 140-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Mondays are hard. Mondays with kids are some type of human survival experiment.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) November 13, 2017
I enjoy doing nice things for my kids, and my kids enjoy making me regret my decisions.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) November 11, 2017
That awkward moment when your child looks to you for wisdom and you're like, "Honey, I don't even know what day of the week it is."— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 14, 2017
Amazing how quickly our morning shifts from "We have plenty of time" to "Just put your eggs in your pocket and bring a fork, MOVE! LET'S GO!"— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) November 16, 2017
The only parenting advice I can give is to have a strong wifi connection so you can Google all the shit you don't know.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 12, 2017
I love that cute married thing we do where we both sign our kids up for soccer & then both try to avoid being the one that stands out in the cold to watch.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 11, 2017
I changed the subject with freshly made baked goods, like a professional Mom.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 12, 2017
My daughter's always looking out for daddy.— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) November 14, 2017
On my way to the bathroom, she reminded me not to pee in my panties.
Stranger Things is the perfect analogy for parenthood: there's always a fresh hell to face and no one gets any sleep.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 16, 2017
Being a mom is mostly just wiping things and making sure you have enough things to wipe with.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) November 14, 2017
My new favorite tv show is any show that holds my toddler’s attention long enough for me to poop.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 17, 2017
I don't know what you're all complaining about. I just convinced my daughter it was bedtime at 4pm because the sun was going down.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) November 10, 2017
Overheard:— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 10, 2017
7: it's getting harder to get them to say yes to giving us Halloween candy.
5: it's mommy. You can't ask her, you know that.
7: so daddy.
5: yes, daddy.
Family vacations are great if you want to know what it feels like to count down the hours until bedtime in a different city.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 11, 2017
When you see my kids’ beaming smiles in their holiday picture this year, please appreciate how many poop jokes I had to tell to get them.— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 12, 2017
Writing a love poem called “We Made Beautiful Children, But Now They Own Us.”— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) November 16, 2017
When I die, just bury me beneath a pile of little boys' mismatched socks and unfolded laundry and no one will even notice a difference.— Myrrh (@ixix82) November 16, 2017
Just overheard my 11yo son on the phone with his friend, "Don't worry, I will bring some of my dad's money."— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 11, 2017
I want another baby. From 10-10:45am only no Mondays, weekends, or poops.— Honest Toddler’s Mom (@HonestToddler) November 15, 2017
"You're a HORRIBLE parent!"— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 15, 2017
- my daughter because I won't let her use a chainsaw to make a treehouse.