Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
If a parent tells you they don't have a favorite they're lying. Coffee is their favorite.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 28, 2017
According to my kids' Christmas lists, they think this parenting gig pays pretty well.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 27, 2017
Parenting sounds fun in theory. Then lice.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) November 30, 2017
I haven’t even started cooking & my kids have already asked for “something other than what you’re making” for dinner.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 27, 2017
Most of parenthood is basically just walking from room to room whispering "WTF?" to yourself.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) November 29, 2017
I love my kids more than life itself, and also please for the love of God say it's their bedtime.— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) November 27, 2017
*gets ‘Laundry Life’ tattooed across post baby belly.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 20, 2017
Me: I’m going to get a haircut.— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 25, 2017
4yo: But why? Your hair already looks so pretty!
8yo: Yeah, don’t cut it!
[Both glance over at Elf on the Shelf]
ME [before kids]: nobody wants to see your family christmas photo shoot— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 29, 2017
ME [as a dad]: get those matching jammies ready, my facebook cover photo is gonna be lit
Welcome to parenthood. You wake up sore for no reason now.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 29, 2017
Friend: *looking through my toddler's overnight bag*— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) November 29, 2017
There's no blanket or stuffed animal or bedtime book?
Me: Nah, he's pretty chill. It doesn't matter what you do, he's not going to sleep.
*rage moves the elf— Housewife of Hell (@HousewifeOfHell) November 30, 2017
Receptionist at pediatrician’s office: Child’s birth date and year?— Honest Toddler’s Mom (@HonestToddler) December 1, 2017
Me, mother of 3: Wow ok I didn’t know there was going to be maths *nervous laughter* let’s see he’s four, it was late April or May, rainy I think, he’s a classic Gemini if that helps, this isn’t in his file?
A good way to prepare your kids for life's disappointments is to allow them to put 47 things on their Christmas list.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) November 29, 2017
Just lit a candle on a holiday wreath. Our three year old responded by singing "Happy Birthday."— dadpression (@Dadpression) November 29, 2017
Parenting tip: Make sure you buy your toddler a watch so that you can get updates on the time exactly every two minutes.— Meredith (@PerfectPending) December 1, 2017
I’ve been going, “SHHHHHHHHHHHHHH” non-stop since 2005.— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) November 30, 2017
Really, there's no need to ever take your kids anywhere fun because they can just sit and complain at home for a lot less money.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) November 30, 2017
The most challenging part of Christmas is staying up later than my kids to put the presents out.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) November 30, 2017
1985 Parent: punishes child by making them stay inside instead of playing outdoors.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 25, 2017
2017 Parent: punishes child by making them go outside with no wifi.