Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Arguing with my husband over whose turn it is to move the Elf is what this season is really about.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 2, 2017
Think you are chill and laid back? Watch your kid build and decorate a gingerbread house without intervening.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 3, 2017
If you're in the mood for all hell to break loose—say no to your toddler.— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) December 3, 2017
SON [showing me his long division homework]: I think I'm getting it!— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) December 7, 2017
MORGAN FREEMAN [narrating]: He wasn't getting it.
It's that time of year again, the time when I have to beg my children to stop changing all the words in the Christmas carols to "fart."— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) December 4, 2017
Why are my kids obsessed with slime? "Yeah, let me *pay* for something that's going to make my house dirtier than it already is."— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) December 4, 2017
GTFOH with that mess.
It was all fun and games until two food groups on my son’s dinner plate decided to touch each other.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 8, 2017
Sometimes late at night, if you listen real carefully, you can hear parents removing batteries from annoying toys.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) December 4, 2017
The best part of shopping at Target is the convenience. And that at least one mom always looks more frazzled than I do.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) December 4, 2017
Welcome to parenthood! I hope you enjoy driving people around to places they begged you to go, but then complained about having to go to when it's time to go.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 8, 2017
Parents, it's called Elf on the Shelf, not Elf on the Zipline Made of Licorice That Ends in a Punchbowl Full of Mini Marshmallows, you assholes.— Valerie ❤️s Presents (@ValeeGrrl) December 2, 2017
DON’T RUN WITH CHEESE IN THE LIVING ROOM and other things I didn't think I'd yell until I became a parent.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) December 5, 2017
I'm using our ab roller as a foot rest right now and I can't think of a better metaphor for my life for the past eight years.— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) December 8, 2017
Kid: Mom, why’s there a password lock on your phone now? What’s the code?— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) December 3, 2017
Me, thinking of how it took me 20 minutes to delete all the photos of the inside of her mouth this morning: No idea.
KIDDO: A character on a show I watched yesterday said a bad word.— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) December 2, 2017
ME: Realy?! What did they say?
KIDDO: [bashful] Are you sure you want me to say it?
ME: Only if you're comfortable and you're not in trouble.
KIDDO: [with wide eyes] He said [then she whispered] "dagnabit."
Well your first mistake was letting your kids get ahold of that toy catalog in the first place. My kids are circling coveted items in the Staples mailer. Right now my daughter’s heart is set on a small dry erase board with neon makers.— Sara Says Stop here Santa 🎄 (@PetrickSara) December 4, 2017
My fashion sense can best be described as my daughter asking me why I "dressed so pretty" because I put on a pair of jeans and a sweater.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) December 5, 2017
My four year old can’t folllow my finger when I’m pointing to something 3 feet away but he can sniff out unauthorized gifts like a 4T truffle hunting pig— Honest Toddler’s Mom (@HonestToddler) December 4, 2017
You’re not living your best parenting life until you’ve launched a toy out the front door to stop your kids from fighting over it.— Close to Classy (@closetoclassy) December 4, 2017
Most of your time as a parent during the month of December is just threatening to take your kids' gifts back.— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) December 7, 2017