Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Parenthood is basically just turning off lights, handing out snacks, and telling smaller versions of yourself to clean up messes.
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) December 10, 2017
By far my favorite part of cooking dinner for my kids is all the snacks I have to prepare and feed them to keep them occupied so that I can cook dinner.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) December 6, 2017
Letting your kids help make dinner is a lot of things.
— Lauren Mulled Cider (@DraggingFeeties) December 11, 2017
Helpful isn't one of them.
Any Mom that has to attend two Christmas concerts should be met at the door with wine.
— Chelle (@FabMommy29) December 14, 2017
Before kids: I will never swear in front of my precious angels.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 13, 2017
After kids: WTF is this math homework?!
90% of shopping with kids is spent apologizing to the people they walked into
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) December 13, 2017
6y.o, spotting tray of chicken wings: “Wow! That’s a LOT of dead chickens!”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) December 13, 2017
-Why we can’t have dinner guests.
Just saved $6 on my weekly grocery bill by describing to the kids how yogurt is actually live bacteria.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) December 15, 2017
My daughter: "I want to sleep in bed with you tonight."
— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) December 15, 2017
TRANSLATION: "I want to make my body into parallelograms while punching you tonight."
I know it's December when my first waking thought is, "Did I move that damn elf?"
— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) December 11, 2017
"Are you buying some last minute Christmas gifts?" asks the cashier, as I purchase my first Christmas gifts, not at ALL making me feel more stressed out than I already do.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) December 12, 2017
Kids don't always brush their teeth well, so electronic toothbrushes are great for turning your bathroom mirror into a winter wonderland.
— HowToBeADad (@HowToBeADad) December 13, 2017
IDK what day of the week it is, but I can tell you how many minutes are left until my kids’ bedtime.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 15, 2017
The take home message from the little drummer boy is kids with instruments are so annoying they get kicked out to roam the countryside alone.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 15, 2017
Me[talking to a group of teenagers]: Back in my day, we had to read the labels off of whatever we found in the bathroom if we couldn’t find a book or magazine to read while we sat on the toilet.
— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) December 14, 2017
Teens: [Start crying and run home.]
2-year-old: *blood-curdling scream over a minor inconvenience*
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 14, 2017
Me, too, kid. Me, too.
I’m already stressing about what to feed my kids for dinner tomorrow night if you’re wondering how much fun parenthood is.
— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) December 13, 2017
Me: How’d your math test go today?
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 14, 2017
Son: Great! I got the highest score possible! 95%!
Me: 🤔🤔🤔
Family Christmas tree decorating is definitely the most magical of all the family events that end with everyone hating each other and threatening to leave the family.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) December 15, 2017
It’s cute how teens think they can sneak in the door at 1AM without us noticing like we haven’t been staring out the window and seething for past 182 minutes.
— Grown and Flown (@GrownandFlown) December 14, 2017
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