Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy. Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I am “someone on twitter told me to be the bigger person and I said I am the bigger person and cried” weeks pregnant— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 4, 2018
I was never sure how my mom really felt about me.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) December 31, 2017
Then she bought my kids a karaoke machine.
Now I know.
Tried to sleep in today but my toddler just stood outside my door yelling, “SOMEONE no want to be my friend” until I gave up.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) December 30, 2017
Alexa, feed my kids.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) January 2, 2018
“Now?!”— TheAlexNevil (@TheAlexNevil) January 5, 2018
-kids, to almost everything
Hour 2 of this snow day and I’m prepared to go full-on Iditarod to get my kids to school tomorrow if necessary.— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 4, 2018
If there's one thing I've learned, it's that toddler tantrums are 1000% louder in Costco.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 4, 2018
Kids: YAY A SNOW DAY!— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) January 4, 2018
Same kids, 3 minutes into power outage with no Internet: THIS IS TERRIBLE.
Most of parenting is yelling “Hey!” while being ignored.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 4, 2018
I love torturing my 13 yo son by telling him I plan to start wearing overalls.— Susan Orlean (@susanorlean) January 5, 2018
One of the joys of parenting a four year old is telling them your hometown invented bagels.— Dan O’Brien (@danobrienwriter) January 4, 2018
I'm just a mom on winter break, standing in front of my kids' school asking, "HOW BIG OF A CHECK DO I NEED TO WRITE FOR YOU TO RE-OPEN?"— 🎄Sarcastic Mommy🎄 (@sarcasticmommy4) January 2, 2018
My toddler just put a Cheeto in my belly button. How’s your day going?— Tess Holliday 🥀 (@Tess_Holliday) January 1, 2018
Nothing says impending snow storm like taking your kids to the liquor store in their pajamas at 9 a.m.— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) January 4, 2018
My baby cried for me when I walked in the room. She didn't want mommy, she wanted ME!— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) December 29, 2017
She farted the moment I picked her up. I think she's trolling me.
Teenagers are fun because they can be mad at us about things that haven’t even happened yet.— Grown and Flown (@GrownandFlown) January 5, 2018
Oh look, a room we haven’t completely destroyed yet.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 31, 2017
-Kids on Christmas break.
Kids: *playing quietly together*— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 4, 2018
Me: Is this a dream?
Alarm Clock: lol yes.