Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My favorite thing about buying food in bulk is when my kids immediately decide that they now hate that food.— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) January 15, 2018
Next time you think you're having a bad day, just think about all of the parents who are at Chuck E. Cheese's with their kids.— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 13, 2018
Rock bottom isn't found at the bottom of a bottle or at the end of a line. It's dancing by yourself to the Umizoomi theme song.— Twin Dad (@TwinSurvivalist) January 16, 2018
[driving]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2018
Me: The kids aren't in the car.
Wife: I said it for me.
Who called it "baby fever" instead of "the parent trap"?— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 18, 2018
Them: what’s parenthood like?— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) January 14, 2018
Me: I spent my Saturday evening picking every bit of parsley off dinner so tiny people stop crying is what it’s like.
I hold onto my kid’s art projects and report cards so that one day, many years from now, they can look at it fondly before tossing it all in the garbage can.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 14, 2018
If you enjoy being blamed for everything that goes wrong in someone's life, then parenting may be right for you.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 16, 2018
Caillou should be rated R.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 16, 2018
[In minivan]— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 13, 2018
Kid in back: What happened?
M: My glasses slipped.
M: My glasses slipped.
M: It's not important.
Before I go to bed, I always check to see how my kids are sleeping. And it's the same way every time: sound asleep in my spot on my bed.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 15, 2018
SON: MOMMA I'M YOUR SPECIAL BOY RIGHT?— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 18, 2018
SON: AND YOU LOVE KISSING MY LITTLE BABY FACE?
ME: uh huh
SON: OK I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING BUT DON'T GET MAD
ME: there it is
My greatest accomplishment as a parent has been convincing my kids that Chuck E Cheese closes for “flu season.”— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 18, 2018
Of my three kids, I don't have a favorite. I do like the one that brought me a donut home from school the other day more than the others though. I forget his name.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 18, 2018
My inbox was full of "This is your VERY LAST chance!" sales right before Xmas, but now here we are many weeks later and they are like "Good news, one more chance!"— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) January 16, 2018
Which is pretty much exactly how I discipline my kids.
If a person without kids says they are tired, but no parents are around to say "ha you have no idea," does it make a sound?— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 18, 2018