Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My favorite thing about buying food in bulk is when my kids immediately decide that they now hate that food.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) January 15, 2018
Next time you think you're having a bad day, just think about all of the parents who are at Chuck E. Cheese's with their kids.
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 13, 2018
Rock bottom isn't found at the bottom of a bottle or at the end of a line. It's dancing by yourself to the Umizoomi theme song.
— Twin Dad (@TwinSurvivalist) January 16, 2018
The kids vs. me when when we get the call that school is closed again tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/PGOXW4RWTi
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 18, 2018
[driving]
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 18, 2018
Wife: Horseys!
Me: The kids aren't in the car.
Wife: I said it for me.
Who called it "baby fever" instead of "the parent trap"?
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 18, 2018
Them: what’s parenthood like?
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) January 14, 2018
Me: I spent my Saturday evening picking every bit of parsley off dinner so tiny people stop crying is what it’s like.
Is it too early to celebrate my baby sleeping through the entire night?! I DON'T CARE!!! THANK YA!!! THANK YA GAWT!!! THANK YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA pic.twitter.com/NLPqXxtbK6
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) January 14, 2018
I hold onto my kid’s art projects and report cards so that one day, many years from now, they can look at it fondly before tossing it all in the garbage can.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 14, 2018
If you enjoy being blamed for everything that goes wrong in someone's life, then parenting may be right for you.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 16, 2018
My mom always had a coffee cup in the bathroom, and it always grossed me out. Today in my first week home as a parent I drank my coffee on the actual toilet. pic.twitter.com/cJnzkLwbXT
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 15, 2018
Caillou should be rated R.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 16, 2018
[In minivan]
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 13, 2018
Me: Oops.
Kid in back: What happened?
M: My glasses slipped.
K: What?
M: My glasses slipped.
K: What?
M: It's not important.
K: What?
M: NOTHING!
Before I go to bed, I always check to see how my kids are sleeping. And it's the same way every time: sound asleep in my spot on my bed.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) January 15, 2018
SON: MOMMA I'M YOUR SPECIAL BOY RIGHT?
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) January 18, 2018
ME: yup
SON: AND YOU LOVE KISSING MY LITTLE BABY FACE?
ME: uh huh
SON: OK I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING BUT DON'T GET MAD
ME: there it is
My greatest accomplishment as a parent has been convincing my kids that Chuck E Cheese closes for “flu season.”
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 18, 2018
Of my three kids, I don't have a favorite. I do like the one that brought me a donut home from school the other day more than the others though. I forget his name.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) January 18, 2018
My inbox was full of "This is your VERY LAST chance!" sales right before Xmas, but now here we are many weeks later and they are like "Good news, one more chance!"
— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) January 16, 2018
Which is pretty much exactly how I discipline my kids.
If a person without kids says they are tired, but no parents are around to say "ha you have no idea," does it make a sound?
— Tragic Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 18, 2018
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.