Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Most of being a good parent is just trying to be an average parent despite being incredibly tired.— dadpression (@Dadpression) March 5, 2018
i have no electricity today bc of the snowstorm so i was forced to talk to my husband and son they seem nice.— kim (@KimmyMonte) March 8, 2018
Welcome to motherhood.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 6, 2018
You eat while standing up now.
I want the world for my two year old. I want him to accomplish everything. I also hope to goodness he never figures out he can get out of bed by himself— Dave Learns To Dad (@DaveLearnsToDad) March 6, 2018
I just fist-pumped in glee because I got the parking spot closest to my kids’ school, in case you wondered if there’s any excitement in life after 40.— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 5, 2018
80% of my time walking places with my kids is spent waiting for them to balance on things.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 5, 2018
Me: We need to get you new bedding.— MumMumMommyMom🤦🏻♀️ (@tinyandtired) March 6, 2018
8: But I love my bedding. I like my flowers.
Me: I know, but it's old.
8: So is Daddy, but we haven't gotten a new one of those.
4yo naked, dripping wet: I'm all done with my bath!— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) March 5, 2018
Me: Did you use soap or just sit in the water?
4yo: I just sat.
Points for honesty.
5-year-old: *wakes up* Is it going to be warm or cold today?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 6, 2018
5: *goes back to bed*
I told my 8 year old son, “There’s something so special about you. Since you’re my last baby, you will always be mommy’s baby to me.”— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) March 6, 2018
To which he replied, “God I hope so. Aren’t you pushing 50?”
My son thinks his baptism outfit that hangs in the back of his closet is from when he did baby karate and I'll never tell him otherwise— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 6, 2018
When a toddler shares a room with her baby sister and starts using the baby monitor like a walkie-talkie to make requests in the middle of the night, is a baby monitor still a good idea or should we train the baby to open doors and crawl to us if she needs help?— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) March 8, 2018
Be kind, for everyone you meet will eventually end up with a kid at your kid's junior high.— Mary (@AnniemuMary) March 8, 2018
Before kids: I'll sing sweet lullabies each night.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 6, 2018
After kids: Close your eyes and go to sleep or I will be the monster under your bed.
Today my toddler farted at the dinner table, told me she broke her chair, and then burst out laughing. So, I gave her the password to my twitter account.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 9, 2018
My 8yo just said one of her dolls was “practicing twerking” and I just thought, “You know, it probably does take a good deal of practice to master that.”— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 8, 2018