Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Am I the only one whose life flashes before their eyes when their kid coughs in their face?— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) March 26, 2018
Dyeing Easter eggs with the kids is fun because you get to worry about them breaking eggs AND your spirit.— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 29, 2018
It shouldn't be "sleeping like a baby," but rather "sleeping like a teenager."— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) March 29, 2018
*goes into parental control settings and adds caillou to restricted list*— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 28, 2018
Tonight’s forecast: Nonstop bickering and homework tears with a 110% chance of bedtime drama.— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) March 30, 2018
My 6yo thinks that Good Friday is called Freaky Friday and I'm not correcting her.— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) March 30, 2018
3: I love our home!— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) March 28, 2018
M: Me too.
3: And Daddy lives here...
3: And Mommy lives here...
M: I sure do.
3: And I live here...
3: And the bunnies live here!
M: And... who else?
M: What about your sister?
Two of my kids were fighting over a ribbon.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2018
I gave them a second ribbon.
Now they're fighting over two ribbons.
School projects. Because what parent doesn't want to head to Staples at 8pm and watch a kid throw together a poster board of disappointment.— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 26, 2018
When you find out you’re going to be a parent, you should automatically be enrolled in a wine-of-the-month club.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 29, 2018
Dad vacation to do list— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2018
1. Wake up at 6 AM for no reason
2. Buy a local newspaper
3. Complain about the coffee maker
4. Try to make people feel bad for sleeping in
6. Call the GPS stupid
7. Organize the fishing stuff again
I don't understand why the middle child feels ignored? If you're doing your job as a parent each kid should feel ignored equally.— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 29, 2018
My daughter asked me to read a book about loving mommy three times in a row.— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 30, 2018
I asked if there was a book about loving daddy she'd like to read.
Her answer: "that won't be necessary."
Today I finished a cup of coffee while it was still warm and I've never felt more alive.— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 29, 2018
Lego sets are just preparing kids for when they buy things from IKEA someday.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 24, 2018
This is the best day of my life!— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) March 27, 2018
-my 5yo after riding an escalator.
(Really glad we took that Disney trip last year.)
8y.o: "I asked Grandma if she could get us Cadbury eggs for Easter."— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 29, 2018
Me: "But 6y.o doesn't like Cadbury eggs."
8: "EXACTLY, Mom."
After my kids fall asleep I peek into their room and think, "How can those precious little people act like such jerks?!"— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 29, 2018
Sometimes you think you have a handle on this parenting thing, then you go "OMG, my kid has toenails and I need to clip them".— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) March 28, 2018
The difference between a trip and a vacation is that there are kids on a trip.— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 30, 2018
Listening to my 8yo interrupt his piano teacher with video game stories is hilarious to overhear until I realize I'm paying her by the hour.— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 28, 2018