Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
Am I the only one whose life flashes before their eyes when their kid coughs in their face?
— La Guardia Cross (@LaGuardiaCross) March 26, 2018
Dyeing Easter eggs with the kids is fun because you get to worry about them breaking eggs AND your spirit.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 29, 2018
It shouldn't be "sleeping like a baby," but rather "sleeping like a teenager."
— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) March 29, 2018
*goes into parental control settings and adds caillou to restricted list*
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) March 28, 2018
Tonight’s forecast: Nonstop bickering and homework tears with a 110% chance of bedtime drama.
— SammichesPsychMeds (@SamPsychMeds) March 30, 2018
My 6yo thinks that Good Friday is called Freaky Friday and I'm not correcting her.
— A Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) March 30, 2018
3: I love our home!
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) March 28, 2018
M: Me too.
3: And Daddy lives here...
M: Yep.
3: And Mommy lives here...
M: I sure do.
3: And I live here...
M: Indeed.
3: And the bunnies live here!
M: And... who else?
3:
M:
3:
M: What about your sister?
3: Who?
Two of my kids were fighting over a ribbon.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) March 26, 2018
I gave them a second ribbon.
Now they're fighting over two ribbons.
School projects. Because what parent doesn't want to head to Staples at 8pm and watch a kid throw together a poster board of disappointment.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 26, 2018
When you find out you’re going to be a parent, you should automatically be enrolled in a wine-of-the-month club.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 29, 2018
Dad vacation to do list
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) March 29, 2018
1. Wake up at 6 AM for no reason
2. Buy a local newspaper
3. Complain about the coffee maker
4. Try to make people feel bad for sleeping in
5. Seafood
6. Call the GPS stupid
7. Organize the fishing stuff again
I don't understand why the middle child feels ignored? If you're doing your job as a parent each kid should feel ignored equally.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) March 29, 2018
My daughter asked me to read a book about loving mommy three times in a row.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) March 30, 2018
I asked if there was a book about loving daddy she'd like to read.
Her answer: "that won't be necessary."
Today I finished a cup of coffee while it was still warm and I've never felt more alive.
— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) March 29, 2018
Lego sets are just preparing kids for when they buy things from IKEA someday.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 24, 2018
This is the best day of my life!
— Karen Johnson (@21stcenturysahm) March 27, 2018
-my 5yo after riding an escalator.
(Really glad we took that Disney trip last year.)
8y.o: "I asked Grandma if she could get us Cadbury eggs for Easter."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) March 29, 2018
Me: "But 6y.o doesn't like Cadbury eggs."
8: "EXACTLY, Mom."
Genius.
After my kids fall asleep I peek into their room and think, "How can those precious little people act like such jerks?!"
— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) March 29, 2018
Sometimes you think you have a handle on this parenting thing, then you go "OMG, my kid has toenails and I need to clip them".
— Walking Outside (@WalkingOutside) March 28, 2018
The difference between a trip and a vacation is that there are kids on a trip.
— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) March 30, 2018
Listening to my 8yo interrupt his piano teacher with video game stories is hilarious to overhear until I realize I'm paying her by the hour.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) March 28, 2018
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