Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
My 4yo talks a lot of smack for someone wearing crocs on the wrong feet.— No Idea: Daddy Blog (@byclintedwards) May 22, 2018
Having more than one kid means when you’re trying to get one to sleep, the other will be playing a xylophone nearby.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) May 25, 2018
90% of parenting is asking, "Did you _?" when you know damned well that they didn't.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) May 23, 2018
It's the end of May and y'all know what that means oh yes my kids are getting peanut butter and jelly on a hot dog bun in their school lunches— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) May 21, 2018
Yay, it’s “try to teach your kid not to blow too hard into the bubble wand” season.— SpacedMom (@copymama) May 23, 2018
If my daughter hasn't figured out how to forge my signature in her homework folder by now, that's her own problem.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 17, 2018
Just unironically told my toddler she better check herself before she wrecks herself and my dadbod immediately leveled up.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 20, 2018
My son just showed me something he made and asked “Do you like it, or do you love it?” and those are the only options I’m giving people from now on— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) May 21, 2018
Always leave your door unlocked when you shower in case your kids have an emergency. Like when they have to show you how big their aluminum foil ball is.— your mom (@eff_yeah_steph) May 21, 2018
Kid: Would you like to buy me this candy bar or watch me have a Stage 5 meltdown in front of a bunch of strangers who are quietly judging your parenting?— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) May 17, 2018
If you try to rob my house, you should know that the item in the house I paid the most for are my son's braces.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 21, 2018
*does the running man*— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) May 20, 2018
"Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh. Stop! Jammie-time!"
-me, confusing my kids with 90s references while getting them ready for bed.
I had no idea how much I could hate a person until someone gave my 6yo a jewelry making kit with 8 billion tiny beads.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) May 23, 2018
3-year-old: Do I have preschool today?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2018
Me: It's over for the year.
3: I beat it.
My kids are role playing. It’s so cute. Apparently I sound like, *in a sinister voice*, “I’m Mommy. Now close the door!”— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) May 18, 2018
My kid can’t see the backpack hanging on his doorknob but he can find a Kit-Kat bar I hid in the attic— Josh (@iwearaonesie) May 23, 2018
If cleaning up one room while all the other rooms in your house are being destroyed sounds fun then parenthood is right for you.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) May 18, 2018
I can confirm postpartum life is 90% better when you don't rip to your butthole. Baby boy: 1 point. Luna: 0— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 20, 2018