Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 8, 2018
4-year-old: *poking my mustache* Did you get your mustache when you became a dad?
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 11, 2018
Me: Yeah. It was part of my starter package.
eventually i will be my son's mother, but currently i am just a 24hr breastaurant
— rachel axler (@rachelaxler) June 11, 2018
I’ve put kazoos in goodie bags, don’t talk to me about regret.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 12, 2018
Loudly, in line at the ice cream shop:
— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) June 13, 2018
👦🏼 why is everybody else here?
👩🏻 Same reason as you, they’re getting ice cream!
👦🏼 because they all pooped on the potty too??
Top 5 best things about the beach:
— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 10, 2018
1. Sight of the waves
2. Smell of the salt air
3. Feel of the sand in your toes
4. Taste of a cold drink
5. Sound of another mom yelling “I JUST WANT TO RELAX FOR 5 MINUTES” when you’re there without kids.
Really enjoying the fact that my four year old refers to all cacti as "sharpies".
— dadpression (@Dadpression) June 10, 2018
Welcome to summertime parenting: YOUR KIDS WANT SNACKS AGAIN.
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) June 10, 2018
I say “it’s time for bed.”
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 11, 2018
My kid hears “time to discuss our family disaster preparedness plan for every crisis imaginable.”
[Summer Break 11:25 AM]
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 11, 2018
7 year old: DO YOU WANT DINO NUGGETS FOR LUNCH?
12 year old: I just woke up and had breakfast but yes.
"Apologize for yelling at your mother. We don't yell at her, she yells at us."
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) June 8, 2018
-my husband, clearly the only person who understands the rules around here
My toddler wants “pink eggs” for breakfast & I have no idea what that is, but I know it’s going to be all downhill from here.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) June 9, 2018
I'm not comfortable with how much power my kids have when I run out of toilet paper.
— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 13, 2018
today my eight-year-old son said ‘what if the tooth fairy was real and she was collecting the teeth to build an army of teeth-people’
— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 10, 2018
My children are good at a lot of things, but they’re best at reminding me I couldn’t handle one more child.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 15, 2018
* dads laughing and giggling as they pillow fight each other with bags of potting soil at Home Depot *
— J (@Dis0beyJay) June 11, 2018
Me, to kids: “Stop playing with your food!”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 13, 2018
Also Me: so excited after buying a bag of Bugles so I can wear them on my fingers like claws.
Good morning. My kids are fighting for the same seat on the couch. Which is an extra large sectional.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 14, 2018
My 3-year-old has figured out how to be super annoying without actually misbehaving. How quickly the student becomes the teacher.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 15, 2018
I took the kids to Ikea and we learned the Swedish word for Family Time: Førfücksakė.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 11, 2018
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Already contributed? Log in to hide these messages.
Related
Before You Go
