Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. So each week, we round up the most hilarious 280-character quips from moms and dads to spread the joy.
Scroll down to read the latest batch and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more!
I didn’t realize 80% of song lyrics were inappropriate until I had to listen to them in the car with my kids.— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) June 8, 2018
4-year-old: *poking my mustache* Did you get your mustache when you became a dad?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) June 11, 2018
Me: Yeah. It was part of my starter package.
eventually i will be my son's mother, but currently i am just a 24hr breastaurant— rachel axler (@rachelaxler) June 11, 2018
I’ve put kazoos in goodie bags, don’t talk to me about regret.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) June 12, 2018
Loudly, in line at the ice cream shop:— Dave Learns Dadding (@DaveLearnsToDad) June 13, 2018
👦🏼 why is everybody else here?
👩🏻 Same reason as you, they’re getting ice cream!
👦🏼 because they all pooped on the potty too??
Top 5 best things about the beach:— SpacedMom (@copymama) June 10, 2018
1. Sight of the waves
2. Smell of the salt air
3. Feel of the sand in your toes
4. Taste of a cold drink
5. Sound of another mom yelling “I JUST WANT TO RELAX FOR 5 MINUTES” when you’re there without kids.
Really enjoying the fact that my four year old refers to all cacti as "sharpies".— dadpression (@Dadpression) June 10, 2018
Welcome to summertime parenting: YOUR KIDS WANT SNACKS AGAIN.— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) June 10, 2018
I say “it’s time for bed.”— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 11, 2018
My kid hears “time to discuss our family disaster preparedness plan for every crisis imaginable.”
[Summer Break 11:25 AM]— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 11, 2018
7 year old: DO YOU WANT DINO NUGGETS FOR LUNCH?
12 year old: I just woke up and had breakfast but yes.
"Apologize for yelling at your mother. We don't yell at her, she yells at us."— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) June 8, 2018
-my husband, clearly the only person who understands the rules around here
My toddler wants “pink eggs” for breakfast & I have no idea what that is, but I know it’s going to be all downhill from here.— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) June 9, 2018
I'm not comfortable with how much power my kids have when I run out of toilet paper.— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) June 13, 2018
today my eight-year-old son said ‘what if the tooth fairy was real and she was collecting the teeth to build an army of teeth-people’— Saladin Ahmed (@saladinahmed) June 10, 2018
My children are good at a lot of things, but they’re best at reminding me I couldn’t handle one more child.— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 15, 2018
* dads laughing and giggling as they pillow fight each other with bags of potting soil at Home Depot *— J (@Dis0beyJay) June 11, 2018
Me, to kids: “Stop playing with your food!”— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 13, 2018
Also Me: so excited after buying a bag of Bugles so I can wear them on my fingers like claws.
Good morning. My kids are fighting for the same seat on the couch. Which is an extra large sectional.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) June 14, 2018
My 3-year-old has figured out how to be super annoying without actually misbehaving. How quickly the student becomes the teacher.— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 15, 2018
I took the kids to Ikea and we learned the Swedish word for Family Time: Førfücksakė.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) June 11, 2018